


Reasons

by JainaDurron7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, F/M, Pregnancy, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JainaDurron7/pseuds/JainaDurron7
Summary: After fleeing Hoth, Han and Leia are separated from the Rebel fleet for an extended time. Leia gets a glimpse of how things could be as she starts finding reasons to pursue a different life.





	1. Part 1

First, it was the hyperdrive. Rather than stars stretching into brilliants lines of light, the Millennium Falcon continued its sluggish crawl through space. From the navigator’s seat just behind the pilot, Leia mocked Han, asking, “No lightspeed?” The only reply the captain could muster was an affronted, “It’s not my fault!”

Shortly after that, with the junky, destitute of a freighter resting in the belly of a space slug, the Falcon’s inner workings buzzed in agreement with the hyperdrive: maybe age and rustic parts were a match for this YT model. The negative power coupling, as C-3PO had hurried and made the top priority to inform the ship’s captain, had reached its untimely end. Put bluntly, the part was beyond repair and required a replacement as soon as possible.

According to the Millennium Falcon’s cocksure and brash captain, the hunk of junk should last at least until her crew reached Bespin in the Anoat sector.

Should.

In reality, it was shortly after diving out the mouth of the giant space slug when Leia had begun to notice worry lines creasing Han’s expression as he stared out the cockpit into the endless night. While Chewbacca kept himself occupied on the opposite end of the ship, Leia curled up in the wookiee’s oversized chair, stretching out her legs until her cold toes tickled Han’s shin. “There’s not a lot out there to be staring at,” she noted aloud, allowing some of her concern to surface when Han didn’t yield to her efforts.  
“Yeah,” he agreed, finally breaking his focus to look at her. “That’s the problem.”

“You aren’t having second thoughts about Bespin now, are you?”

“Hardly. I still think Lando’s our best bet to get the Falcon back into shape. Just wondering if we might have to make a stop before then.”

“For repairs?”

Han woke up the nav computer, dragged a finger across the screen to highlight their trajectory. “There are systems nearby- between here and Bespin.”

“Most aren’t in our path, though.”

“But we’d be able to reach some of them.”

Leia didn’t fancy the idea of planet-hopping on their way. Ultimately, they were headed for the fleet. Visiting Bespin was one stop; potentially leaving their mark on a few planets was not settling well in Leia’s gut.


	2. Part 2

She was melting, lazily falling deeper into soft, cool sheets. Bare skin was comforted by smooth silk, wrapped so luxuriously in contrasting materials: sheets, and skin. Leia was half wrapped up in the bedclothes, half wrapped up in Han. She rested her head on his chest, strong muscles making for a firm pillow. In the afterglow of ecstasy, Leia could only smile as she recovered, slowing her panting to match with Han’s sure heartbeat. She had one hand resting on his abdomen, and she moved it now, fingers tickling a path up his stomach muscles, chest, then trailing along his jaw.

Morning light was beginning to filter through the window, peeking between the twisted blinds. When she and Han has first arrived on Veridian, she’d had her doubts, but she had to admit that she’d been  _ immensely _ enjoying their time on the quiet planet. It carried enough resources for Han to slowly piece back together the  _ Falcon  _ organ by organ. Additionally, it’s location and distance between Hoth and Bespin was hopefully just enough to throw the Imperials off their trail. They’d lasted a few months here already. Han has assured her just the day before that it wouldn’t be long until they could hightail it to Bespin, get the rest of the  _ Falcon _ ’s repairs done in a jiffy, and hurry back home to the fleet.

But as the weeks had worn on, Leia wasn’t sure anymore if she did want to make it to Bespin anytime soon.

Han’s baritone voice chuckled, rumbling in her ear, “‘M starting to think you don’t mind me unshaved after all.”  
  
Leia laughed if only to agree. “I suppose. But I’m not tolerating this for long.”  
  
“Hm? You don’t think I should grow this out?” Han stroked his chin, struggling to fight a smirk. “Maybe let it grow another centi … "  
  
“Oh, stars, Han! No, please don’t.”  
  
“But you like the stubble.”  
  
“Yeah, flyboy. I like the stubble. Nothing more.”  
  
“Mmhm,” he groaned. “I’ve heard that before.”  
  
“Oh, hush!” Leia shoved him, but dissolved into silent laughter. “You keep running that mouth and I’ll stop kissing it.”  
  
“Like you have the self-control …”

Leia wasn’t about to concede that he was certainly correct, but she didn’t have to anyway.

She smiled and moaned beneath her breath as she felt his rough hand trace its way up her bare side, running up her ribs. He turned his face into her loose hair, exhaled, and warmed her face with his breath.

“Alright, sweetheart.”

The mattress shifted around her, and Leia batted away the sheets to watch Han rise, retrieving his shirt and pants from the floor. She bit the corner of her lip as she watched him, hoisting herself up on her elbows. “Leaving so soon?”

“Yeah, you’d keep me in bed all day if you could, wouldn’t you?”

“Hey, it was your idea.”

Han smirked, and he leaned over to kiss her once more before closing his pants. “I’ve gotta’ figure something out if we wanna’ get out of here sometime.”

“What would you say if I told you I would rather stay in bed here all day with you rather than return to the fleet?”

“I’d say we’re in trouble if I’ve corrupted you that much.”  
  
“I thought you would be proud.”  
  
Han didn’t respond with further wit, but quickly redressed and hurried to wash up in the refresher. From her spot in the bed, Leia watched him, studied the outline of his body and the subtle ripples of the muscles in his arms as he went about his routine. Unsuccessfully stifling a yawn and hiding it behind one hand, Leia told him, “Just hurry back, please. I get so bored here, all alone.”  
  
“You trying to guilt me now?” Han turned to face her, pointing a razor in her direction. “You’ve got a pretty important job here. You get to hold down the fort and do all the research to tell me what to do.”  
  
“Still boring. You know I prefer the field when the intel is slow.”   


“You really do enjoy the sight of blood, don’t you?”

Leia’s eyes flickered mischievously.

“Don’t you worry too much about me, Your Highnessness.” Fully dressed and clean, Han sauntered back to her, and took her into his arms for a kiss. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He grabbed his jacket and favorite blaster before he went out the door. “Let me know if you find anything.”

“And call  _ me _ if you need backup.”

* * *

 

Over the time of her disconnection from normal living, Leia had forgotten about so many of the first world problems that came with living in the higher echelons of the galaxy. She rolled her eyes as the news program she’d been watching went on another break to repeat the same few advertisements. The usual Imperial propaganda followed by a commercial for an arousing line of men’s aftershave, and the hottest vacationing spot in the Core. Leia swallowed another yawn before the last commercial ended and returned to the scheduled program. She turned the volume up on the holoscreen in a half-hearted attempt to assure she’d stay awake while she turned over on the couch and closed her eyes.

Since shortly after Han had left on his scouting trip, Leia had been plagued with a bout of dizziness and nausea– the third time this week. The nauseous spell only grew stronger, and Leia almost fell over when she sprang from the couch to race for the refresher. Han had noticed a couple days before when Leia had spent nearly half the day with a pail in her arms, and she didn’t doubt he’d assigned her the role of “holding the fort down” because of it, though she’d insisted she’d started feeling better.

Until it started up again the next day.

Leia didn’t realize she’d been falling asleep until she woke up from her nap, the afternoon weather forecast playing on the screen in front of her. She groaned, stretching out her arms, and nearly turned back over when the same commercials started to replay.

_ When you are just starting your family, nothing is more important than the moment you find out.’  
_ _   
_ Before she could spare the screen a glance, Leia recognized the commercial for First Sign’s ever trustworthy brand of pregnancy tests. The company’s selling point was their claim that their product could detect the tell-tale hormones within the same week of a missed period. The same commercial had played countless times since Leia had turned the holoscreen on, and the repetition of the the video- the tears and happy smiles from all the newly expectant parents- it bothered her even more than the ridiculous infomercial that kept playing twice in a row whenever it came on.  
  
She sat up to change the channel, and her stomach lurched, the nausea returning right on cue.  
  
Han had witnessed her first day of misery, comforting her throughout the day as she’d slept through most of it, a pail always at her side. Then, she’d dismissed it as food poisoning- she still didn’t quite trust the frozen food packets Han kept stored on the  __ Falcon. At least, Han hadn’t argued the point. The second occurrence had made Leia wary as the nausea had started strong in the middle of the night, then slowly faded throughout the day. And now it was back. She’d suspected, considered the probability that it wasn’t food poisoning but–  
  
“Ha!” Leia laughed to herself just as the nausea began to fade. She’d been rigorous about taking her birth control during her time with the Rebellion; it was practically a ritual of hers when the time came around to renew it. As far as Leia was aware, the brand which Mon Mothma had been swearing by for 19 years hadn’t yet failed– as far as Leia knew. And now wasn’t the time to lose faith.

Besides, Mothma had found a contraceptive for the men, and Han would choose that over a hounding from the Rebel leader any day. The idea that both their contraceptives has failed them was preposterous, and enough to amuse Leia.

But, if only to put to rest her niggling fears, Leia decided a test certainly couldn’t hurt.


	3. Part 3

She lost track of time, forgot when Han has said he would be back. It wasn’t long– it couldn’t have been, otherwise, she surely would have gone insane. It was as if she lost time; when Han returned, she couldn’t recall what she’d spent her hours alone doing. She was sure she hadn’t called him, so she’d remained here. Waiting. Doing– what exactly?

Leia supposed she hadn’t really been doing anything at all. The morning’s haze began to fade when the hotel room’s door clicked and Han stepped in. When she saw him, found herself standing in the entryway, watching his every move, the last few hours suddenly rushed back to her, and it surprised her. She swallowed a sob she didn’t mean to utter as she recalled that her morning had very much been a haze, such long hours of absolutely nothing–  _ excruciating  _ nothingness, unsure if she was anxious for Han to return or not. And vomiting. But– now– she supposed that was only to be expected.

Now, here was Han. Han was here, right in front of her, staring at her. Stars, was it obvious? It had to be obvious that something wasn’t– right. He had to realize something was wrong. He could see through her, couldn’t he? But what would he think? Would he even guess– be able to guess– how was it not his every thought in this moment as it was hers? What could he possibly be thinking about if he wasn’t thinking–

The door shut softly behind him, and before he could even smile at her, say ‘hello’, take her in his arms and assure her he had missed her so, he saw her–

And his brows drew together, wrinkled in concern.

“What’s wrong?” were the first words from his mouth.

And at just that much, Leia was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together for a moment more.

Dropping his comm and vest where he stood, Han started forward and took hold of her shoulders. “Leia.” When he used her name– her real first name– he was serious. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Words. Wonderful words. Where could she start? Fierfek! Her mind screamed and screeched, coming up with a million things she could say, but her tongue was heavy and dry in her mouth. Her heart was racing– she could feel it, her pulse pounding in her wrists, rib cage, stomach. She could almost feel herself getting sick again … 

“Leia?”

His hazel eyes were so soft. It took a certain amount of will from Leia  _ not  _ to drown in them, bask in their comfort.

“Hey, c’mon, sweetheart. You’re scaring me–“

“This is your fault!”

“Wha–?”

That– was not– Truthfully, Leia had had no idea of what she would say, how she would broach the topic. But she supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised her first words were no more eloquent than her current thoughts.

“I– we need to talk.”

Okay, that was good. Not too bad. Leia took a shuddering breath in mild relief. As for Han, he didn’t appear any bit relieved.

For a moment, she blocked out her surroundings, ignored her frantic pulse. Her recollection of this morning was still returning to her, and she tried to recall her first thoughts. What has she first thought? Had she had any intelligible thoughts that she could share with Han? Some gentle first words to tell him?

“Hey, why don’t I wash up while you take a minute to relax. Sit down, get some caf, then we can talk about– whatever this is.”

Sit down. Caf. That all sounded nice. Except– she thought she’d heard once that it was ill-advised for a woman to have caf while–

“I won’t be long,” Han called from the refresher.

It was coming back to her. She could remember sitting on the sani, clutching the little stick in both hands before stumbling before the sink and dropping the–

“Han! Wait!” Leia regained some strength as she hurried to catch up to him, distract him before he could see–

He was already done, dragging a hand towel down his face, then shaking his head over the sink, opening his eyes–

Of course, it wasn’t one of those tests that required a key. No one line or two to signify whatnot. No, in her nonchalant drugstore spree, Leia had plucked off the shelf– without any intention – the most straightforward pack of tests she could have found. Rather than having a moment to piece it together and recall what each pattern of lines on the little screen meant, the answer had been spelled out for her letter for letter as soon as she’d looked.

As soon as Han saw.

_ Pregnant. _


	4. Part 4

The shock, the total lack of– of having any clue what to say, what to think, how to respond– was mutual. For a moment, Leia and Han held each other’s gazes, both reflecting equal terror.

“You’re –?” Han managed, and it was the first sound from either of them. And it came sooner than Leia had predicted, but she supposed it was only like Han to prefer anything over silence in such an uncomfortable moment. He shook his head as if to clear it. “Leia …”

“I didn’t think it would actually come back positive.” Words. All of a sudden, they were rushing out of her. “I– I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was thinking, and I know you’ve been worried about my nausea, and I didn’t think there was any harm in taking a test, but …” She cut herself off, suddenly out of breath, nearly panting. She forced herself to keep Han’s gaze, stare back into those hazel eyes. “I guess I’m pregnant.”

Leia didn’t think Han had even blinked since she’d started talking, and it only stressed her more. That was the first time she’d said the word aloud, and he wouldn’t respond. She could feel herself crumbling, shattering into millions of tiny, irretrievable pieces. She could feel the crack, sense it spreading. Her face fell into her hands because she couldn’t watch him anymore. It was all she could do to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. She rubbed at her eyes, dragged her hands down her face, tangled her hands in her hair. Anything to feel something else besides this terror, this helplessness. Something to make her feel in control again.

“Leia.” He only ever used her name when he was serious.

She said it again. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant.”

She nodded.

And then he was there, his body encompassing hers, holding her close. In his touch, Leia struggled to sense any concrete hint of either joy or dread, but simply comfort. She was still Leia, still the woman he loved, still the human he treated her as. Even after the last two minutes and the surprise she’d had in store for him, his first concern was her.

“Are you okay?” He asked her.

“What? I’m fine.”

“I mean … about this. How do you feel about … this?”

“Oh. I don’t know, Han. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t–“

“No, I didn’t ask you that. Not what you  _ want  _ to feel. What do you feel right now?”

Leia blinked. “I’m … You want to know the truth, Han? I’m confused, and I can’t think straight. That’s all I know.”

The moment lapsed back to silence.

And then Leia cracked. A fracture that threatened to run deep if not addressed. All the walls she’d built so thick and so tall, all the carefully masked veneers she’d weaved… they’d crumbled before. Once. For Han. When she’d no longer been able to kid herself and finally surrendered to her feelings for him. And now …

She’d cried in his arms that night, when she told Han that she loved him, that he’d resurrected her, reminded her of her purpose and desires. She’d cried, frightened by the sensation of those walls tumbling down, no longer having those secure shields. Han had held her close, smoothed back her hair, wiped away her tears. Pieces her back together.

She broke again– now, and she prayed he’d know how to put all her broken pieces back together this time too.

The tears broke free. Leia had managed to hold them back until now, and they came like rain. Her voice trembled and cracked as she said to him, “I’m scared, Han.”

He didn’t tell her not to be. He didn’t hush her cries or shake his head, but he held her safe in his arms, wiped away her tears.  
  
“I’m scared.” Quiet and brittle was her voice, spoken in the softest tone, the lightest note. But all else around them faded to nothing. Emptiness. Silence. It was their own world made up of just the two of them.

And this– this  _ life  _ which had come into being, into their world without permission or intent. But neither of the two lovers could harbor any resentment towards the helpless new life. It wasn’t  _ its _ fault.

It. ‘It’ was a child, an anonymous name given to a life with unlimited potential. ‘It’ was one of life’s greatest treasures– an inspiring creation made of something so true and real and deep. ‘It’ was made of love, of endurance, the mark of triumph and overcoming trials and hardships.

Everything about the situation terrified Han, but he came to realize that it was unique. Reflecting on the various one-night stands and affairs Han had had throughout his lonesome years, he’d never bed a woman he’d genuinely loved and felt devoted to. He’d feared commitment, settling down, giving parts of himself to something greater. The idea of casting aside his brash and careless persona in the throes of falling unendingly in love with a woman who was– _so much more_ than Han could have prayed to the stars for, of becoming so enraptured and in awe of her, of becoming someone else because of her … the barest concept had shaken Han to his core. But loving Leia, being with her required Han to abandon those old fears and bury them in his dusty past. He’d feared all those things for so long, but he’d done it for Leia. It was worth it. ‘It’ was a million other things Han was terrified of, but in the end, ‘It’ was love.  
  
“I am too,” he promised her, holding her face delicately between two hands, brushing his thumbs along her rosy cheeks.  
  
“You’re smiling.”  
  
“Am I?”  
  
Just like that, Leia relaxed in his arms. Han saw the tension leave her body, some light return to her glistening eyes. “Han, I won’t be upset if you’re happy.”  
  
“I don’t know if I’m happy-”  
  
“Liar,” she even smiled, and her gaze softened. “But that’s okay. I might be happy too.”  
  
He relaxed. For the first time in minutes, he could feel the weight of the floor beneath him, and he was relieved.  
  
Her tiny hands were warm in his, and Han almost chuckled aloud at the thought of hands even smaller. Just like she did when they laid together, Leia burrowed herself into him, her body melting against his. Han settled his chin atop her head, inhaled her sweet scent. He pulled her closer. “I’m terrified,” she whispered into the suspended silence. “I can’t imagine having a baby now. We’re at war, Han. The galaxy is shredding itself apart. We have marks on both our heads! Vader and the Emperor will never stop searching for us. … But it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen anything so innocent. Han, can you imagine this? _A baby._ Maybe a boy, or a girl with our dark hair, my nose-” She stopped mid sentence with another mischievous grin, then added, “your crooked mouth.”  
  
“That sounds like a really cute baby.”  
  
Mellifluous laughter bubbled from deep within her, a gorgeous tone that was enough to spike Han’s desire.  
  
“I’m so scared, Han. But, maybe, do you think we could talk about this? Maybe, we can hope.”


	5. Part 5

Perhaps, it was his mind trying to find something else to dwell on, but the oddest, smallest things were bothering Han. As he returned from the refresher, pulling on a fresh shirt and watching Leia prepare them tea, he tried to remember her age. Even throughout his first year with the Rebellion, he always forgot how young she’d been. When he’d first learned from General Carlist Rieekan that the princess had been only nineteen at the time, he hadn’t believed it. Such strength, such ferocity, such wisdom and power for a young thing. Though some systems had a higher adult age, Han had never thought of her as a girl. From her, he’d learned that age wasn’t what differentiated a girl from a woman or a lady; such measures were rendered inaccurate for Leia.

Twenty-two. Leia was a mere twenty-two years old, which Han didn’t suppose was so young– especially when he often forgot she was that young. At twenty-two, Leia Organa was a veteran of war, a seasoned commander and leader of a rebellion against the galaxy’s most influential government. And she’d experienced more tragedy and trauma than most of the Alliance’s elders who had lived through the Clone Wars.

She deserved something happy, something good, and Han had been trying his kriffing hardest to give her reasons to smile longer than he’d loved her.

_ How ‘bout this, Princess? I definitely didn’t try, but looks like we’ve got something else to smile about. It you want to smile about it … _

As if it punctualize her announcement, Leia had been making tea for the two of them so they could sit together and talk when the nausea hit. Now, Han was sitting on the floor of the refresher, rubbing Leia’s back as she emptied her stomach in the sani. He traced long strokes up and down her back, every now and then planting soft kisses on her head. When it finally passed, she lied back in his arms, closed her eyes. He gave her a moment, waited for her to sit up on her own and let him know she was feeling better. Perhaps, it hadn’t even been a moment yet when Han ran out of patience, and he stroked her thigh, asking, “Are you okay?”

Han didn’t know how to feel when Leia finally pushed up on her own weight, face pale but a gentle smile floating across her lips. “You want to know how I feel about this?”

He could only nod.

“I’ve been thinking about these last few months. Just the two of us, far from the rebellion, from war. I haven’t felt this good in so long. I haven’t felt so–  _ content,  _ or even as close to happy as I have since we left Hoth. Even that first month on the  _ Falcon _ . Stars, Han! Things have been so simple and  _ normal. _ I didn’t think that was possible. At least, not for me. But you make me feel normal, and this little retreat from the not normal … I can’t tell if I’m thinking clearly, but I’m thinking– I’m wondering if, maybe, we should try out this normal life for a bit longer.”

When his gaze flashed down to Leia, a shot of alarm shooting up his spine, there were her calm, sure eyes staring back up at him.

“What are you saying, Leia?”

Calm, yet confused and afraid and anxious. To most, Leia was always a perfect picture of calm, but Han had always had a knack for seeing the storms brewing deep within her.

_ This isn’t just on you, I know, _ Han tried to convey to Leia as he wrapped her up in his arms, stroked her hair.  _ I’m here, too, Princess. It took both of us to get into this mess. _ _   
_ _  Beautiful mess. _ __   
   
He couldn’t help the thought.   
  
Instead, however, he told her, “You look exhausted, sweetheart. I think you need to sleep first.”   
  
Leia was startled, and Han could see it in her eyes alone. She quickly sat up, gathering her wits about her and putting space between the two of them. “Sleep? Han, I just told you that I’m pregnant and I’m trying to have a conversation about this-”   
  
“Which I agree we should have! But don’t you think both of us are pretty emotional right now, and maybe it’d be better if we slept on it first.”   
  
Her eyes grew wider than sensor dishes, and she choked out a humorless laugh. “You know, you’re starting to sound like me. I wasn’t expecting you to approach this with a level mind and insist we do our homework first.”   
  
“You sayin’ I don’t normally- what? Think clearly?”   
  
“Han,” her eyes softened. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just- I meant to say that- you know the way you are! You don’t like to take all the time in the world to think things through. You don’t like to sit and weigh all your options like I do. I just … I thought you’d be easier to read than this. I didn’t think I would have to fish you for a response. I figured you’d tell me exactly how you feel.”   
  
“Maybe, I don’t know how I feel.”  “That’s a lie, Han. I can read that much from you.”

“Well, I guess I just don’t know how to say what I’m thinkin’.”

“Han, just tell me. You’re not going to offend me or hurt me either way. If you don’t want a baby, just tell me so that we can get that out there and deal with it.”

“See, that’s the thing, Leia. What if I do want it?”  
  
Leia shifted how she sat, but otherwise showed no change in expression.  
  
“Now, I'm not saying I’ve been thinking about this. Kriff! The thought of having a baby right now never crossed my mind. Not now. Not when … when we just got– _here._ To a place where we’re comfortable with each other and we can finally say that we love each other. … But I already know I love you enough to go on this crazy adventure with you. You say you like this? You like this break, this small piece of normal we’ve found. What the heck, Princess? I’ve always wanted a family.”  
  
Family. As soon as the word slipped off his tongue, something about it felt just right. Still, Han was consumed with fear, but also elation; he feared what Leia had to say, but when his focus returned solely to her as he tried to read her for a hint, something in her eyes seemed to agree.


	6. Part 6

She stood before the mirror, staring at her reflection as if she no longer recognized whatever she saw there. Perhaps, she didn’t. For the first time, as she surveyed the reflected image of her own body, she felt _young_. Young, in the sense that— for the first time in so long— Leia Organa had no idea what she was doing. Maybe, the word ‘ _small’_ was more accurate for the sort of lost sensation that she suddenly felt. She felt so very small, lost in a torrent of foreign emotions and fears.  
  
Diplomacy and combat— those were her strengths. She’d been raised and trained by Bail and Breha Organa to be a sharp-witted politician and leader. She’d grown up in the Senate, mentored by her father on the finer skills of politics. Under his wing, she’d been bred to step up in the Senate, in the Rebellion, to lead the galaxy in revolt. She was an ace shot with a blaster, could certainly survive in hand-to-hand combat, and could even prove herself as a half-decent fighter pilot. She was a veteran among the Empire’s eldest senators; she could very well hold her own in a battle of the wills against any other close-minded politician— heck, Han often swore she could talk a hutt into a diet. She had the brains, strength, and more than enough will to take on the Empire with her bare hands, but nothing had prepared Leia Organa for impending motherhood.  
  
Growing up the adopted daughter of Alderaan’s ruling monarchs, she had never had a younger sibling aside from her fellow adopted sister Winter who had been so close to her in age that Leia didn’t think that counted. She’d never babysat for anyone, never changed a diaper, didn’t know if a baby’s milk had to be cold or warm. She knew virtually nothing about caring for a child of any age! Yet, here she was, by some joke of fate, perhaps, pregnant at undoubtedly the worst possible time.  
 _  
How are you supposed to teach a child to talk? How can such an imperative life skill be trusted to someone as clueless as me to teach another human being?_ _  
_  
Of course, Leia had taken various health classes throughout her years of education, so she knew the gist of what was expected of mothers as well as what raising a child required. It took dedication, time, money, the simplest life skills— none of which Leia had! She was an officer in a Rebellion, constantly on the run, constantly putting herself directly into the line of fire. Her name was near the top of the Empire’s most wanted list. Technically, she was a criminal, for all her moral standards. The Empire was the legitimate governemnt— in one sense— and she was— well, a Rebel. Since the destruction of her homeworld, Leia had spent her life on the run, pulling all-nighters far more frequently than healthy, and she held a role where millions of other lives depended on her.  
 __  
What’s one more? Leia thought sardonically.  
  
No, this wasn’t the same thing. This wasn’t the same thing at all. This was a life that was relying on just her.  
  
If dizzy were an emotion, that was what Leia felt as she abruptly flicked off the refresher’s light and dragged herself to bed. There was a certain comfort in the warm embrace of the sheets that Leia longed for, and she wrapped herself in the covers, trying to will away the fear that was tearing at her from the inside out. Fear. That was what she felt. Crippling, agonizing fear for the future, for her and Han’s relationship, their survival, the life of their new unborn child. She was falling, slipping, grasping at silk, trying to grab ahold and regain control. If she could just find a foothold, hoist herself back up from the edge …

Leia felt his warm touch first on her shoulder as he crawled into bed beside her. Han’s knuckles ran a gentle path across her curves and over the slope of her hip; her face tingled with warmth as he leaned over her and laid a kiss just below her ear. “You alright? You seem tense.”  
  
“What are we supposed to do?”  
  
Han was quiet for a moment, and her words just floated in empty space, but Leia could imagine him blinking, running his gaze across her small form as he pondered her question. “Well, I think that’s up to us.”  
  
Slowly, as if anxious to avoid another miserable bout of nausea, Leia moved from lying on her side to her back so she could see Han. The moment her gaze found him, Han was cupping her face in one hand. She leaned into it. “How are we supposed to do this? Han, how in the world are we supposed to keep a baby safe? How am I—” she stopped herself, grimacing. Then, she whispered beneath her breath, almost too soft to hear, “The Rebellion.” She spoke the word with understanding, admittance. Defeat. She pressed Han’s hand firmer against her cheek, and his thumb brushed softly against the pale skin there.  
  
“Hey,” Han tried to soothe, but Leia shook her head. “I know,” she allowed. “I know what I would have to do. But that almost terrifies me more than just the fact that I am … pregnant.”  
  
“Hey, I’m right here with you, Princess. Talk to me. We can talk about this.”  
  
She moaned, “Han. I know it. I know it already.” She closed her eyes and shook her head again. “We can’t have a baby. We can’t raise a child with the way our lives are right now. Something has to give. I— have to choose. I can’t stay with the Rebellion— not with a baby.”  
  
“ _We,_ ” Han insisted. “I’m right here with you.”  
  
“But just leaving the fleet isn’t enough. What are we supposed to do? Where could we possibly go to stay hidden?”  
  
Leia was afraid, desperate, and she could hear it in her own voice, but the fears were too overwhelming to make her care about maintaining a veneer. Besides, she knew it would take Han less than a second to see through it.  
  
“We don’t have a home,” she continued, “nowhere safe to hide away. All we have are the clothes on our backs. We don’t have the means of supporting a child. I don’t even know the first thing about raising one!”  
  
“Hey, I don’t either.”  
  
“That doesn’t exactly reassure me.”  
  
Gently, he hushed her, stroking her cheek and meeting her forehead with his. “Do you really think anyone ever knows what they’re doing, though? Sweetheart, we wouldn’t be the first people without siblings to learn how to take care of a kid.” Leia hadn’t realized he’d found one of her hands until he squeezed it. “You gotta’ have faith in us. If we wanna’ make this work …”  
  
“Okay,” she breathed. “So, we leave the Rebel Alliance. Where do we go? Do we stay here? How do we get credits, an actual home? What if something— what if something goes wrong. With the pregnancy? And I need—”  
  
“Hey, sh-sh-sh.” Han chuckled quietly. “Slow down, Princess. One fear at a time. Now, would you believe me if I told ya’ I’ve been thinking about it?”  
  
“You have?”  
  
He nodded. “And I think I know what we can do.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
“I think I know where we can live.” Han sat up in bed and turned on a low light. He grabbed his datapad from the bedside table and turned it on. “Reecee.”  
  
“Reecee?”  
  
“It’s on the outskirts of the Inner Rim.”  
  
“I know where it is, but why there?”  
  
Now grinning, Han repeated, “It’s on the outskirts of the Inner Rim. And you know what kind of people you find on the outskirts of territories?”  
  
Leia knew what answer he was waiting for: the scum kind, pirates, smugglers, thieves, fugitives of the law. Instead, she said, “Your kind?”  
  
He feigned a look of offense. “Reecee is known to be a sort of refuge in the criminal circles.”  
  
“So, I was right. Your people.”  
  
Han rolled his eyes. “The thing is, since it’s still in the wide berth of over fifty percent of the Empire’s population– well, their population is generously mixed. But any good smuggler knows a secret spot on the planet.”

“Secret spot, huh?”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

“It’s not a rest stop,” he explained, “but an actual– home. There’s a community on Reecee, a sort of neighborhood. Lotta’ smugglers stay there, have a home, have a pretty nice life there.”

“And you’ve been to this– commune?”

“I got some friends there. Good people that are in it for more than the money.”

Leia’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Sounds like my kind of people too.”

Han smiles back, leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “We could make a home there.” And, suddenly, he was touching her abdomen, large hands easily reaching across her stomach. “Have our kid there.”

Leia couldn’t help but smile, though she still held her doubts. But she’d suddenly gotten the image of a warm, safe home where the war didn’t matter because she was happy and safe with Han and their child.

“A lot of the smugglers out there– they don’t care too much for the Empire either. Last time I was there, quite a few of ‘em were Rebel sympathizers.”  
  
“So, you think that we could get the resources we need without raising red flags?”  
  
“We’ll find a way,” he said, and it was a promise. Leia had no doubt he would find some way— though, she didn’t know how— and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her or their child. It was a promise, and Leia believed in it.


	7. Part 7

Meeting with yet another contact seemed like exactly the kind of situation they were supposed to be avoiding. However, Leia still found herself seated with Han in the far corner booth at the Rough Risers’ Cantina, aimlessly stirring her straw in a particularly potent beverage. Every few breaths, she resorted to covering her mouth before the cool smell of the ale could send her stomach lurching.  
  
“You alright?” Han leaned in towards her, eyes quickly surveying her. Leia flicked her gaze across the cantina, scanning for any onlookers. “I’m fine,” she promised. “Now, would you please focus?”  
   
“Hey, hey,” he smiled gently, taking her elbow and pulling her arm out from beneath the table where she anxiously kept a hand on her blaster. “This isn’t that kind of place.”  
  
“You’ve lost me already.”  
  
“Keep watch all you want. The usual suspects are on our side here.”  
  
“Han, this place is filled with pirates and bounty hunters.”  
  
“Yeah, and none of them are on the Rebellion’s most wanted list. Trust me, sweetheart; Reecee isn’t a particular fan of the Empire. We don’t have enemies here; this isn’t like Tatooine.”  
  
“You don’t think anyone in this room could be a spy or an Imperial sympathizer?”  
  
Han shrugged nonchalantly, settling back into the booth. Leia caught a glimpse of him reaching to finger his own blaster as he responded, “Probably not.”  
  
Leia wasn’t sure if Han’s words were any true assurance, so she returned to her full drink, always keeping one hand on her blaster.  
  
The folk band playing onstage took an intermission and returned before Leia thought she saw their contact. A heavy man who leaned a little too much on his cane entered the cantina, gaze sweeping the place once, twice, three times before he nodded and started forward. But he turned right where he should have gone left and crossed to the opposite side of the cantina.  
  
Entering right behind him, however, was a feminine figure, and she did her own survey once before locking eyes with Han and Leia. Before Leia could take in any other details to the woman, she beamed and started straight for their table. The young woman stood at the average height for a human, with black hair tied up in a messy pony. She wore a fitting jacket that was even darker than her hair with a pillow of wampa fur along the collar. She strode forward with perfect confidence, and her pony and long bangs swung with each step. An excitable glimmer lit up her eyes as she kept her gaze focused forward, and Leia couldn’t help but share in some of Han’s optimism.  
  
“Well, look who the sarlaac dragged out of the pit!” Rather than first settling into the booth and reaching out a hand, the woman— presumably a smuggler— stopped beside the table and waited with outstretched arms for Han to rise and meet her.

Without a hint of hesitation, Han stood up from the booth and accepted her embrace. Leia stifled a frown.  _ Not an ex-girlfriend, then. _

“Han!” the woman exclaimed, “It’s been a while since we’ve crossed paths. I was starting to wonder where I’d find you next.”

“Surprised?”

“Not yet,” she answered cautiously. “That could change once you tell me where you went after blowing up poor Greedo’s head on Tatooine.”

“So, you heard.”

“Everyone heard. We wanted to know what Jabba had to say about that.”

“Quite a bit,” Leia chose that moment to break in, standing to shake the woman’s hand. “Unfortunately, none of it was good.”

“Sounds about right,” she concluded with a nod. “Princess Leia Organa, correct?”

Leia nodded shortly.

The woman tossed Ham a smirk. “Quite the company you’re keeping these days, Solo.” She turned a sincere smile Leia’s way. “It’s an honor to meet you. I’m Mirax.”

“Mirax’s father is an old smuggler I’ve known for a few years. He’s the one who first showed me this place.”

“If you’re familiar with any Corellian children’s tales, my father is something akin to the character Blank Blank. You know, smuggling from the rich and giving to the poor. Or, more commonly, rebels.”

“Who is your father?”

“Booster Terrik.”

“I’m certain I’ve heard the name, but I don’t believe he’s had any association with the Rebel Alliance.”  
  
“Ooh, he doesn’t play with the big guys. My mother passed away when I was very young, and my father didn’t want to take on bigger, riskier jobs when I had virtually no family to stay with when he was gone on trips. He mostly aided resistance cells located in the Core, and he likes it, so that’s where he stayed.”  
  
“He’s happy with his work. That must be so nice.”  
  
Mirax tossed her hair. “Well, he does get to work with his only daughter now.” She turned her attention back to Han. “So, what happened that you’re keeping company with Rebels now?” Nodding to Leia, she added, “Quite the crowd you’re drawing, now.”  
  
“That’s a long story. I actually came here to call in a favor. Booster still owes me one for the last shipment I ran for him.”  
  
“You know my father; he always stays good on his word.”  
  
“I’m counting on it.”  
  
“What do you need?”  
  
“I’m, uh— I’m actually thinking about settling down in Casita.”  
  
“Settling down? You? Han Solo? The same Han Solo who ran the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs?”  
  
Leia leaned in. “Please, he really doesn’t need the reminder.”  
  
Mirax shared a smirk with her. “So, what poison did you swallow that you decided to _settle down?”_ _  
_  
“That’s, ah— it’s complicated.”  
  
So, he did have his limits. Even here.  
  
“All you had to say was that you don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
“Just not here.”  
  
“Got’cha.”  
  
To turn the conversation, Leia asked Mirax, “Do you and your father permanently live here, then?”  
  
“We stay here often, and this is our home away from home. But __true home is Corellia.”  
  
“Through and through,” Han grinned. “Like any true Corellian.”  
  
Leia ventured, “But here …”  
  
The Corellian woman sighed, gaze falling to where her hands fiddled above the tabletop. “Here … can be a home. When home can’t. The people that live in Casita, they’re all family. Nowhere else have I seen the same sense of community. Casita is the kind of place all newlyweds would say would ‘be a nice place to raise a family’.” She smiled wistfully. “You know?”


	8. Part 8

Reecee was — just as Leia had imagined— similar to places like Corellia where you could just tell from the taste of the air that it was home to more than its fair share of scoundrels. Its aura of roguery dissheveledness wasn’t overbearing but enough to give the impression of being home to such rogues. In other words, much how Leia had imagined Bespin and this Lando Calrissian being.

The streets of Reecee were loud and busy, filled with a kind of liveliness that was hard to come by in the Core. The sidewalks were crowded with various shops, merchants from a hundred different worlds selling meats and bread and produce. Across the street, the vendors were filled with color, racks displaying bright scarves and dresses. It reminded Leia of Alderaan, if the annual summer markets that would bring the capitol Aldera to life. But those had been more of arts festivals, the stores all selling painted canvases, candles, and other crafts.

“Never seen a market before?”

Leia looked up at the sound of Han’s voice. “Not a real one. Alderaan was more of a crafts fair kind of place than a market one.”

“Well, maybe, we’ll stop by this market one day. Teach you what real grocery shopping is.”

Han slid off their rented speeder bike, offering Leia his hand to help her down. She took it and allowed him to pull her closer to his side as he led her past the bustling street. Cautious, she pulled her threaded hood to cover her face, leaning into Han’s side. He pulled her closer.

“You’re sure about this?” She cast her glance this way and that, nervously watching their backs. “This place is—“

“I’m not taking you an’ out kid anywhere I don’t feel is safe,” he promised. “We’re not going to Bespin, Leia. I know better than anyone that you can take care of yourself, but I’m not bringing our kid near Lando.”

“Han, our kid is still  _ in me.” _

He glanced down at her. “You know what I mean. I’m not risking anything and neither are you. Because this isn’t just you taking whatever risk you want, anymore.”

“Whatever risk I want? You mean my work with the Rebellion?”

“No! Working for the Rebellion is one thing. The way you were acting on Hoth is another. Skipping meals? Pulling weekly all-nighters?”

“I had—“

“If you say ‘work’, I’m setting the  _ Falcon _ on fire and you’re never leaving this planet.”

Leia sighed heavily. “I was dedicated. The Rebellion is my life. I refuse to sit around and turn a blind eye to the Empire’s cruelty. They took my home from me. My family and everything I cared about …”

“And you were devastated and broken. I remember. I was there. But you were also lonely and cold. You pushed everyone away and buried yourself. Then, the Rebellion was everything to you.” Han relaxed, and he looked at her with a twinkle of humor in his eye. “Now, don’t get me wrong. Nothing turns me on like a women that dedicated—“

Rolling her eyes, Leia stepped away from his side and shoved him back.

“But I love it even more when you smile.”

“Alright, I get it, you big sap. I’ll do better.”

“Hell yeah, you’ll do better, ‘cause I—“

She shook her head. “Not for you, or this baby, but for  _ us.  _ Isn’t that why we’re here and not with the Rebellion?”

Han lifted their clasped hands and turned Leia’s to his lips. “Yeah, Princess. This is for us. Finally.”


	9. Part 9

Casita more closely resembled a village where it lay beyond the borders of Reecee’s semi-modern society. Rough yet sturdy little huts for homes dotted the bright green plain beside the river, mudded planks covered in thatch standing firm beneath tarp-covered roofs. Scattered stone pathways marked the doorsteps to each home, some splattered with paint in one bright color or another. Across the great clearing were longer structures built in stones and mud. Between the homes hung clothing lines, lovely fabrics draped carefully across each one.

Along the river bank played children who  screeched their joy, and women who were trading washboards to rinse clothes as  they laughed over their children and spoke excitedly to each other. They wore  the most enduring beams, such pure happiness and contentment written on their  worn faces.

The whole scene reminded Leia of her old home, of the villages of aboriginal people who’d lived near the mountains on Alderaan. Bail Organa had brought her several times to visit them and their home. Those were Alderaan’s roots, he would always tell her, and they mustn’t forget where they came from. These people— the people of Reece— reminded Leia of them, of the carefree, joyful tribes of the Aldera mountains who always smiled and always sang.

As Leia was only used to, heads began to turn and gaze upon Han and herself as Mirax guided them forward. Rather than pointed looks or suspicious gazes, however, the people of the village only smiled as they passed and offered subtle waves of welcome. Nothing of her years of diplomatic training her prepared her for a warm and inviting welcome where she’d never even been extended an invitation. But they all paid their greetings in some form, many offering a small but polite nod to Leia, a greeting appropriate to offer a noble. Yet, even more acknowledged Han, running up to clap him on the back, call his name, even whistle and cheer as he followed in Mirax’s path alongside Leia.

“So, you have been here before,” Leia whispered with a smirk.

“I wasn’t lying about that.”

“What were you doing here? Teaching them to gamble?”

“Oh, trust me, sweetheart. I didn’t need to teach them.”

Mirax stopped at the edge of the bank where a group of women had been sitting on the sand as they’d gone about their chores. One among them stood, a diminutive woman who stood as tall and fierce as a wookiee warrior. Her bronzed, sun-kissed face was framed by wavy, black tendrils of hair, complimented by a gentle smile and big dark eyes that seemed to be the only invitation Han and Leia needed.

“You wouldn’t believe who I picked up in town at Rough Risers’.”

“You are right,” the woman beamed as her smile seemed to grow by the second. “I don’t. So, tell me who you have brought to me.”

Instead, Mirax stepped aside as Han came forward. He nodded once, similar to the nod of a bow some of the villagers had just offered Leia. “Rewa,” he said, “it’s been a while.”

Now, the woman’s smile transformed suddenly into a wide, amused grin. She reached for Han and swept him into a fierce hug. “Han Solo! About time you pay a visit!” The woman— Rewa— patted Han’s cheek in an affectionate, almost motherly manner. “Things are too quiet without you and your wookiee friend. We have missed a little mischief.”

“I missed you too, Rewa.”

“So? How are you?” Her grin split t show crooked teeth. “How is Jabba?”

Leia swore she knew Han like her own hand now, and she saw his body tense as he put some space between himself and Rewa.

“Actually, that’s part of why I came here.”

Now, it was her turn to lose the mood to joke, and her expression turned grave. “Han,” she spoke quietly, “you know this isn’t a place to bring your troubles—”

“I know. And you should know I wouldn’t do that to these people.” He sighed. “Jabba doesn’t have any trails on me at the moment. I kinda’ quit smuggling a few years ago.”

Speechless, Rewa gaped.

“I’ve been with the Rebel Alliance.”

“We don’t want their trouble either.”

“I know.” He paused, stopping for a moment to turn back to Leia. She’d remained dressed in her jumpsuit and dark boots, and her hair was tied in a typical military do which she was regretting now. With years of practice on hair, she knew where each pin was set, keeping her single bun in place; Leia reached to take them out, easily transforming her military crown into a single, long braid which fell down her back. She walked up to join him, slipped her hand into his, and looked up to meet his hazel brandy eyes, feeding him all the confidence she could in a single look. He squeezed her hand.  
  
“Rewa, I need your help. We do. This is Leia. We’ve left the Rebellion. We need a home.”


	10. Part 10

Rewa’s home was filled with a tangible warmth that did indeed work to put Leia more at ease. She watched her step, eyes wide with wonder, as she followed behind Han along a path of vibrant woven rugs. Clay jars and candles lined the snaking walkways. Leia’s attention was torn from the scattered pieces of art, however, as children flooded the small home, running in and out as they offered Han and Leia curious looks. With underlying motherly affection, Rewa scowled and hollered across the hut, “Annah’so! Take the children out! Guests are not to gawk at!”

“Yes, ma’am.” An older-looking girl with Rewa’s complexion came down the hall and shooed the children away, sweeping them along with her on her way out.  
  
“I have five of my own,” Rewa explained. “Three of them were my brother’s, but they are mine now.”

She guided them to a room which was the only one to be shielded with a curtain hanging over the doorway. Rewa swept the fabric aside and led Han and Leia in. The room was sparsely furnished aside from a great bed which occupied the middle of the room. Beside the bed sat a low kitchen stool and a rack of old, worn towels.

“We have no doctors or proper medical equipment. It’s a risk to go to the medcenter on Reecee; you never know who is working, and who they respect.”  
  
“So, you started your own clinic?”  
  
“I am the midwife,” Rewa corrected. “I can’t say I know much about medicine at all, but I’ve learned what I had to to help my community.”  
  
With a glimmer of empathy in her eyes, Leia cocked her head and asked, “Out of curiosity, may I ask how many children you’ve helped deliver?”  
  
Rewa grunted, stepping around the bed, and Leia struggled to decide if it had been a laugh or not. “Too many to count,” she answered with a content smile on her face. She took a seat on a bench which sat at the foot of the bed, laid a hand on the thin, light covers. “But many lives have started in this room. And I feel blessed to have been a part of that.” Rewa’s gaze returned to Leia. “Of course, it is your choice if you trust our resources or not.”  
  
Leia didn’t say it out loud, but the thought flickered across her mind that she and Han were too short on options to be picky. She didn’t want to think of it as _settling_ for this when it was a matter of the life of her and Han’s child, but have full confidence in what Casita’s community had to offer, full confidence in Rewa’s capabilities and that she was well equipped to coach Leia through the labor and tend to her recovery following the birth.  
  
In a bizarre moment, Leia realized exactly what she and Han were planning for, and it brought a sense of reality Leia hadn’t been prepared for. Unwittingly, she raised a hand to brush her abdomen. There was no swell there, no flutters, no kicking and pounding from the inside. Yet. That little word, that idea was what had kept Leia from fully realizing what was happening. The morning sickness, the little twinges of aches and pains, that was all temporary; she could deal with them as they came. But this— they were making plans. She and Han were making plans for something that needed to be prepared for. Not something Leia could deal with now and brush away.  
  
“I’m pregnant.”  
  
The two words fell out of Leia’s mouth with enough sound of surprise to make Han turn and look at her. “Hey, Leia?”  
   
She blinked in embarrassment and glanced away.   
  
“You need to sit down?”  
  
“I’m fine. I think I’m just tired.”  
  
When Rewa spoke up and Leia caught her glance, something in her eyes seemed to understand. She smiled reassuringly. “Why don’t I leave for a moment? Then, you two can take a look around and decide what you think.”

As Rewa dismissed herself, pulling the curtain over the doorway, Han sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re thinking too much.”  
  
Leia raised a brow. “I haven’t yet told you what I am thinking.”  
  
“You’re always thinking too much,” he retorted.  
  
Without another word, Leia plopped on the bed beside him. “Tell me what you think for a change.”  
  
“It’s a lot. I know it is. So, talk to me. What are you thinking?”  
  
“Han, we’ve already had this conversation before. We can talk about this and plan for it until we turn blue, but— I don’t feel any better about this. In fact, Han, I feel even worse. Not about the plans, necessarily. I think that is what’s scaring me. We have all this to plan now, all these little reminders about how our lives are going to be turned upside down— but it’s like I keep forgetting what’s happening. I keep forgetting, and then I remember again, and there’s this shock that I have to get over every single time. Over and over again. Like I can’t just come to terms with it.”  
  
Han’s hands slipped around her waist, and he pulled her into his arms, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. “Shocked me too, Princess. But it makes me pretty happy; ‘ve always wanted a family.”  
  
Leia threw her head back to rest against Han’s shoulder. “Just an hour before we left Hoth, you were ready to leave.”  
  
Han didn’t respond.  
  
“You had two feet out the door, and you were ready to run again. Leave me. Never come back.”  
  
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”  
  
“But you loved me then.”  
  
“Leia, I’ve loved you for a long time.”  
  
“But you were going to leave. But then you came back. And now, we’re stumbling through space, and you’ve managed to knock me up.”  
  
Han froze. “Really? That’s how you want to phrase that?”  
  
Despite herself, Leia chuckled. “You’ve left your mark on me, Han Solo.”  
  
“‘S no souvenir,” he promised, “I’m not leaving.”  
  
She nodded lazily against his chest. “I’m holding you to it.” Leia let her eyes drift close, let herself take the moment to recollect each individual thought racing across her mind and lay it all to rest. “Han. I want you. I don’t know about _this_ yet, or if I even want it, but I know how I feel about you. That much is solid and definite. I want you to be a permanent part of my life. No matter what happens.”  
  
He smiled down at her. “Been waiting a long time to hear those words.”

“I’m tired of being by myself. I used to think I was protecting myself. Because I lost everything with Alderaan. My home, my family, my friends, everything I cared about. After that, I was afraid of making new friends or finding a new home. Stars, I still am because I am afraid I’ll lose it all again just like I lost Alderaan. I’m afraid that everything I’ve gained since then is too good to be true, and if I blink it will all disappear. But I’m running out of excuses to keep you at arm’s length.”  
  
Leia could imagine the goofy grin Han must have been wearing as he loosened his hold and said with great pride, “Why, Princess, I am honored!”  
  
“Make me a promise. Don’t leave me. Whatever happens.”  
  
“Don’t worry, Princess. You’re stuck with me.” His lips left a tender kiss on her temple, and his arms wrapped their way about Leia’s waist just a little tighter. “No more Alderaans,” he muttered into her hair. “I’m not gonna let them take anymore Alderaans from you.”

Once, only a few months ago, Leia would have argued she had no more Alderaans to hold close to her heart and protect, but things had changed so quickly. She had Han; she could finally admit that she wanted him and embrace it. And now, they had made their own Alderaan together.

Leia settled her hands over her abdomen as she considered that thought— and the mere fact she’d thought it. Her world was suddenly a whirlwind as she realized how she truly felt about it all. This baby hadn’t  _ become  _ and automatically adapted the similar importance of Alderaan; Leia certainly hadn’t felt that way when she’d discovered she was pregnant. No, nothing could be conceived and mean so much at its moment of conception, but grow to develop that meaning. This really had been her unfortunate luck considering the timing and the circumstances— but Leia’s lips adopted a nervous smile as she accepted that Han and this baby were both her new Alderaan.


	11. Part 11

The yellow clay structure nearest to the river bank had been empty for years, Rewa had once said. The last family to occupy it had moved to the Outer Rim some years ago once all their children had grown. Five children, Rewa had clarified with a smirk as Han and Leia’s faces had split with shock. The parents had added to the home so that it was larger than most others in Casita just slightly. It had a second room which Rewa explained had been for the children. There was a living room space which was also the dining space, complete with a counter and fireplace for cooking. Overall, the cob shelter wasn’t what Leia had ever imagined for her first own home, but the small abode felt— right. Like it could be home.   
  
Leia turned sideways to see Han still carrying out his own inspection of the structure, hands stuffed in his pockets, the whisper of a sigh just on his lips. When he looked to her, she could see the doubts swimming in his eyes, could sense his concern radiating from him in little ripples. He was trying so hard, trying so hard to hide it, trying so hard to figure it all out.  _ For them. _ Leia reached out to him, stretched her arm out for him to take. Hesitantly, he drew her into his arms, held her delicately against his chest. She settled into his embrace, snuggled against him, and she pulled on his chin until he obeyed and glanced down at her. “Han?”

He grunted, “What do you think, sweetheart?”

It wasn’t merely to assure him, to lie and display a facade of calm, but genuine hope, and a foreign enthusiasm for their future that Leia told him with all the conviction she had, “I think this could be home.”

* * *

  
The Aldera Royal Palace had been Leia’s home until she’d left. She had spent all her childhood and most of her teenage years in the room halfway down the corridor on the fourth floor— just below her parents’. Every Winter Fete Eve and A-Day were celebrated in the Kjerik Hall with the palace staff, foreign dignitaries, and other Elder Houses. Many a sunny afternoon Leia had spent outside with Breha in her gardens, walking through the fields and naming each flower as her mother carefully picked a few to braid into necklaces and crowns for her little princess. Her father’s study had been downstairs, nestled in a quiet corner of the palace— a small office with a comfy chair Leia always feel asleep in waiting for her father to finish his work for the day. The Organas had had a small cottage home closer to the mountains for when the winter when the snow was just perfect to play in, but the palace had been steady. Even when high up in the majestic mountains, Leia would find herself missing her familiar bed in Aldera.  
  
Happy memories could be made anywhere— Leia knew— but, since her homeworld had been destroyed, she had taken to the belief that there was something special about having a grounded home with family to make those memories. And, if she were to guess, Leia figured Han felt the same. Han Solo had as much pride in his planet as the next Corellian despite the childhood he’d lived out among the streets. For him, home had moved constantly— never the same bed (if there was a bed), or the same building for that matter. Up to the day they had frantically fled from Hoth, Han had sworn up and down that the nomadic lifestyle was the only way he could live, but Leia had long suspected it was just another part of the act.  
  
Between the two of them, their meager possessions which they’d come with on the _Falcon_ consisted mostly of just old Rebellion-issued blankets and fatigues and motel-quality soaps Han had collected to keep on his ship. Everything else— all the essentials they ever needed were provided for them by the Alliance. Perhaps, stolen or smuggled, but they were a promise, one less worry for the soldiers risking their lives. The realization had come to Han earlier, but he got the feeling that Leia was just now approaching the same turn of thought. They had nothing, and the Rebellion wouldn’t be providing for them anymore. They had not a single legitimate Imperial credit to either of their names— only death warrants worth more than star systems. Han was beginning to grow frustrated, muddling his mind for an impossible solution.  
  
They were digging through the various cargo spaces of the _Falcon_ now, looking for anything to use in their new home. Han’s sorting was more absent-minded at this point, and he was more tossing items from one side of the ship to the other compared to Leia’s meticulous searching with her lasts of supplies they would eventually require besides a list of whatever they had found instead. Shuffling through a pile in his cabin, Han tossed aside a thin, gray blanket.  
  
“Wait!” Neither of them had hardly spoken in minutes, and Han nearly jumped at the sound of Leia’s voice. He looked up to see her pointing at his discard pile. “I like that one.”  
   
"Like what?”  
  
“That blanket. We should take that inside.”

Han retrieved the threadbare blanket and held it up. “This old thing?”

“Too many memories to just toss it, don’t you think?”  
  
Han held the blanket in both hands, one thumb stroking the nubby fabric. He couldn’t remember where he’d first gotten it, but Leia was right— the ragged piece of cloth carried a few valuable memories from just the last few years. It was the same blanket which Leia had found years ago on a certain trip to Yavin IV when she’d draped it over Luke’s shoulders as she offered him comfort in the midst of his grief. Hours after that brief conversation the two had shared, the blanket had been discarded when Luke had fallen asleep in the crew lounge, and Han had draped it over Leia, trying to offer his own comfort to the stone-faced princess. More recently, Han recalled their first night together in his bed; he’d been dumb enough to forget to lock the door when Chewie barged in to complain about something Han had left out, and Leia had frantically seized the blanket from the floor to shield herself. It wasn’t much, but it was a remainder, a token of the first three years— the beginning of their story.  
   
"At least take it inside,” Leia further implored. “It doesn’t deserve to be left in here.”  
  
“Sure, sweetheart,” he promised, gently laying it in a box of other items they were taking into their new home. “Maybe, we could use it as a baby blanket.”  
  
Leia’s eyes flashed with amusement, lips rolling to bite back a laugh. Pursing her lips, she decided, “Or, maybe we should keep that just between us. We’ll find a nicer, newer one for the baby.”  
  
Han smirked. “That’s fair.” He made a mental note to venture into town one day so he could look for a blanket appropriate for the baby. It was already in his plans to look for materials to start building a crib and, perhaps, a rocking chair for Leia.  
  
Though they hadn’t been in Casita for very long, Han was starting to realize how quickly time was passing. Leia was already nearing the end of her first trimester, and her abdomen bore the slightest hint of a curve. If he was being honest with himself, Han was overwhelmed with each new reminder as the entirety of the situation became that much more real. The realization of their impending parenthood was setting in like a healthy dose of adrenaline. Leia’s physical symptoms were beginning to become more apparent, a daily reminder of how much their lives were about to change. The pair had all the faith in the galaxy that they would get the swing of parenting and figure out what they had to, but the doubts remained. Neither Han nor Leia truly had any experience interacting with children let alone caring for one. Han was sure he had never even held an infant before, but Rewa had promised them she would show them the ropes before it came time for their own little one to arrive.  
  
Chewbacca was fond of giving Han a hard time over the whole scenario. The wookiee had been fairly shocked when Han and Leia had told him about the surprise pregnancy, and he’d enjoyed teasing Han with all the shenanigans and parenting mishaps he could imagine taking place, but Chewie was genuinely and truly and happy for Cub and the princess. He had a cub of his own back home on Kashyyyk, and he’d told Han that there was nothing to panic over; cubs were much less scary than they seemed. But, he promised Han, he’d still be there to help with the baby. With Han’s genes, stars knew Leia would need all the help she could get!

“You know,” Han piped up, tossing the blanket aside. “Rewa was saying they’ve got a lotta’ yarn and stuff at the markets in town. Maybe, she could teach us how to make one. That’d be real special.”  
  
Leia nodded in agreement. “Maybe, I could,” she suggested. “If you’re making the crib and a dresser. Let me do something.”  
  
He snickered. “You gonna’ knit?”  
  
Eyes dancing with mischievousness, Leia shrugged. “I’m already getting bored. It’ll be something to do while we wait.”  
  
“Yeah? Something tells me it won’t feel like we’ve been waiting that long.”


	12. Part 12

“No.”

Han blinked. “Just ‘no’?”

“You asked me for my opinion.”

“Yeah, And I was hoping to have a conversation about it, too.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I should think it would be pretty obvious why I don’t want you to go.”

Han rubbed at the space between his eyes, already sensing a headache coming on. Although, he had known he had this coming for him. He’d been preparing himself all week just to find the courage to start this conversation with Leia because he had known she would hate it, despise him for even considering it. It was fair, he figured, because he despised himself for it too. It was like he really was leaving her just as he’d been promising Leia for three years he would. Han could imagine how much this must be hurting her, but he’d spent all week wracking his mind for another solution— but there was no other choice.

“How did you expect me to feel about this, Han? Huh?” Leia dropped a rag from her hand and planted that fist against her hip. “Does now really seem like a good time to run away and go back to stealing and smuggling for a living?”

 “I’m not running away. I wouldn’t be gone that long. I’d just be making a few quick trips here and there to get a few credits. Small trips. No big operations with glitterstim or nothing.”

“I don’t like the idea of you risking your life like that.”

“Nothing I haven’t done before. ‘Sides, Leia, we’ve both got bounties on our heads. It’s hardly more danger than we’re already in.”

“But you want to leave me here to go smuggling?”

This resistance was expected. He didn’t want to go either, didn’t want to leave Leia’s side— especially while she was pregnant. No, he wouldn’t want to leave her ever. But they were limited on options. This was the only plan Han had. He slouched under the weight of his turmoil as he said, “We need the money.”

Whatever Leia’s thought process, she didn’t seem to get that he hated this solution as much as she did, but her frustration had been left to boil under the surface for long enough. “And what about me?” she frowned, face reddening. “I’ll just stay here as I’m helpless in my state. Keep the house clean, figure out what the hell to do with this—” She gestured with a spastic wave of her arm at the growing bulge at her midsection.

“Well, Leia, what do you think you’re going to do—?”

“How typical! Why don’t you go make the money while I stay here and become a good little housewife—”

“Leia, I’m trying to take care of you and our kid.”

“I’m tired, Han! I’m so tired of all of this! I’m tired of taking the back seat and being treated like an invalid! I’m tired of having no control! I’m tired of being pregnant! Why can’t we just go back to the Alliance? We won’t have to worry about money or medical care. Then, we can leave this place and be done with this whole mess.”

“You think that’s what you want? You really want to go back to the Alliance? Leia, you aren’t thinking straight— you’re tired.”

“For kriff’s sake! Yes, Han, I’m kriffing tired! You have no idea!”

“Have you completely forgotten that you were the one begging to leave the Alliance? If I recall correctly, I kept asking you if you were sure you didn’t want to go back to the Alliance because I knew you’d miss it. Because that’s the only thing you’ve ever cared about.”

“It’s the only thing I know I can do! I had authority! I had control! I knew what I was doing! And now I’ve been reduced to a housewife.”

“Are you sure you really had all that with the Alliance? You told me they rarely listen to you. You told me they didn’t want you out on missions. And I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it’s not really a secret that the Provisional Council was ready to sell you into a profitable marriage. You’re acting like you had no idea what they wanted for you. Like you really had control over there. I’m just asking you to think. Really think about it, Leia. Was the Alliance really better than this? You really prefer going back to whatever little cold room they have just for you where no one really cares and you’re just a useful tool? You sure you want to go back to that? To them? I’m the one that cares about you! I’m the one that made sure you were eating and sleeping!”

“Oh, how could I have forgotten! My dearest knight and savior—!”

“Oh, for kriff’s sake, Leia!”

“This is easy for you! This is how you’ve always lived! Just hopping from one place to another, never staying for long—”

“I’m making a home here. With you and our kid. That’s not how I’ve lived.”

“You get to hop back onto your little ship and do what you know how to do—”

“I don’t want to do this—”

“And I have to figure out how to even live— what am I supposed to do here? Without the Rebellion?”

“Leia …”

“We keep having this conversation — over and over and over again, but I don’t know what I’m doing, Han! I don’t know how to do this, and I’m scared!”

Silence. Eerie silence.

Han looked at Leia, her face hot and red, jaw trembling. He’d never seen her so scared, so vulnerable, and it scared him. Strong Leia. Ferocious, fiery Leia— terrified.

He swallowed. “I love you.”

Sniffling, she frowned.

“Sweetheart, you’ve faced down Vader, but you’re scared of having a baby. Me too. Haven’t I told you how scared I am?” Han took a step toward Leia, held a hand out to her.   
“Well, listen. I’m scared too. I’ve never taken care of anyone but myself, but now you’re having our baby. And I don’t want you to be doing this by yourself. I’m trying, Princess. I think we gotta’ figure this out together if we’re gonna’ get through.”

With more caution than hesitance, Leia walked into his embrace, collapsed against him. He held her tight, cradling her head to his shoulder, gently rocking her foot to foot with him. 

“You really want to go regroup with the fleet? Stay with the Rebellion?”

She shook her head against his chest.

“Something tells me Mothma wouldn’t be too impressed if I brought you back pregnant.”

Han heard her chuckle, and that gave him all the hope he needed. “No, probably not,” she agreed.

“We got time. Plenty of time, Princess. We got time to figure this out. And we’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t know anything about babies, Han.”

“I don’t either.”

“I don’t even have ideas for names.”

“Hush, Princess. We’ve got time.”

Both fell quiet for a long moment, and a fragile peace settled between them. They took each breath one at a time, together, until Leia spoke up. “You want to start smuggling again for me.”

“I was up all night thinking about it. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I love you.”

“Even if I start smuggling again?”

“Especially.”


	13. Part 13

"Family was important on Alderaan. Most of my mother's staff had families of their own. One of her handmaidens— she and her husband wanted a big family. They were going to move out of the palace once she could find new work. But they had most of their children before they left. Lots of kids. It was hard for my mother to watch. She loved children, was always happy when someone she knew was going to have a child. But Racha— that was her handmaiden's name— she never had any trouble conceiving. And it started to eat at my mother. She had been trying for years to have one of their own. Until it almost killed her. So, she and Bail Organa adopted me."

Rewa nodded in understanding as she continued her check-up, feeling around Leia's swollen abdomen. "For the most natural thing in the world, it isn't always the easiest thing to achieve."

"I never thought much about starting a family before I'd left home, but I always thought I would share this with her. Maybe, I could let her finally live that experience through me."

"She is," Rewa promised firmly. "She's up in the heavens, one of the stars twinkling up there every night. She's watching over you."

Leia smiled contently. "Only problem is Mama always wanted to hear a heartbeat. She never made it far enough to hear one."

There was a subtle jest in that statement, and Rewa responded accordingly, a stab of guilt flashing across her face. "It is unfortunate," she agreed. "We have gone to great measures in attempts to acquire the tools and machines for our medward, but that technology is expensive," Rewa explained, her voice thick with remorse. "To purchase an ultrasound machine and fetal monitor would raise too many alarms. Even to smuggle such supplies has proven dangerous in previous attempts. The Empire keeps the most detailed record. Any unregistered births—"

Leia nodded. "Alderaan sheltered a lot of mothers who came from the Rebellion. Not all of them made it." It wasn't until she said that when Leia remembered Han's gentle, reassuring grip on her hand. He squeezed once, as if to promise that he wouldn't let anything happen to her or their baby. She could read all that in a squeeze. She gave him a small smile, squeezing back.

Rewa took Leia's freehand and pulled her into a seated position. "Well, all your vitals are checking out normal. From the best I can tell, baby is still healthy and growing."

That was the best answer they would get without access to fetal monitors or sonogram machines. The only promise they had was the steadily growing swell of Leia's belly.

"In the coming weeks, you should start to feel the baby moving some. Maybe kicking. Even better than a heartbeat."

That was a matter of opinion, but the circumstances weren't Rewa's fault, so Leia smiled and nodded, sliding off the low bunk.

She gave Han her arm, and they started the short walk to their home.

* * *

Leia watched him from behind, watched the muscles in his back work as he moved about the small cooking space, chopping up vegetables and adding them to a small pack. She'd let him do the talking since they'd gotten home and merely stood watch, but it was all she could do to hold herself together and push past the fear.

Han paused. "What can I do for you, Princess?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah, but I can hear what you're thinking," he turned around to look at her, grinning. "Like Luke. I've got that weird Force power."

Leia bit her cheek in a vain attempt to hide her good-humored smile.

With no concern as to delicately broaching the topic, Han said, "I know you're worried." Leia rolled her head, avoiding his gaze. She knew that if she met his eyes, he would be able to see into the depths of her soul and pick out her every thought word for word; and she was still hanging onto hope that maybe he didn't have this one all quite figured out yet. "About the baby," he added as if just to spite her and prove her wrong.

Leia shrugged. "I know it isn't Rewa's fault or anyone else's, but … it puts me on edge to think that we don't have all the tools we could have in case something goes wrong."

"Who said something's gonna' go wrong?"

"Han, things happen all the time. Something could happen tomorrow or even right before the baby is born. Something might be wrong with the baby right now and we don't know—"

"And you didn't think you had a maternal side!"

" _Han!"_

"Alright, hey, I'm sorry. Relax."

"You aren't worried at all that something could go wrong—?"

"Sweetheart, we've had this conversation, too. I'm just as worried as you are about all the same stuff. I'm up all night trying to plan for the worst and figure out what we're going to do. But what good will it do if both of us are hysterical, huh? Yeah, things could go wrong. You don't have to remind me, Princess, but things could also go really right. All we can do is hope for the best and keep planning. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out."

She couldn't take it anymore and crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around him, resting her head on his strong chest. "Just let me cling to you like this until you have to leave."

He returned the hold, clung to her just as desperately. "You're worrying too much. You gotta' pick just one thing to worry about at a time."

Leia jabbed him in the ribs, but Han just laughed. "Hey, I won't be gone long. A week. Two weeks max, and you'll have me back to yourself."

"Has Booster told you where you're going?"

"Obroa-skai. Picking up a hyperdrive there, dropping it off on Carest with my contact, then I'm headed straight home."

"No side trips."

"Promise."

"No glitterstim, no deals with hutts—"

Han rolled his eyes. "Not even cantina strippers?"

"Hey," Leia smiled, raising her arms in surrender. "I'm not telling you 'no'. Go ahead and try it. See how that works for you."

"Alright, alright, Princess. Straight home back to you."

"Good choice, flyboy. You'll be handsomely rewarded when you get back."

A sensuous growl escaped Han's throat, and Leia smirked slyly, watching his gaze follow her.

"You kill me, sweetheart."

Unable to walk away, she drew his arms back around her and stood on her toes to reach his mouth for a kiss.

"I'm gonna' miss you," he murmured against her lips. "But I'll be back before you know it."

"I'll miss you too." Leia took Han's face between her hands and pulled him down to her. Their lips met gently, soft strokes as they held onto each other, savoring each second. Then, their tone turned hungry as limbs became entangled, and Leia pulled him across the kitchen space until she hit a counter and Han was bending even closer. One hand traced her hip, thumb stroking her belly before following her trail of ribs. While his hand hovered near her abdomen, however, something in her belly bubbled like carbonated elba water, and she grunted against Han's mouth.

"What was that about?"

Leia dropped a hand to her middle, mouth agape. "I'm not sure if that was breakfast or the baby."

Chuckling, Han dropped to his haunches, so his face was level with Leia's abdomen. He caressed her curve, and he imagined he was holding their child in that hand.  _Small thing,_  he thought with a wry smile. Leia was so small, so petite— their baby would be so small when they finally got to meet it, he just knew.

Leia's breath caught, and Han's gaze flew to meet hers and see her eyes dilate in shock. "It happened again," was all she said.

He grinned. "Still think it could be breakfast?"

Leia was oblivious to the jest, however, now enraptured entirely in this physical sensation occurring just beneath her skin.

"I take it our cub is okay. What does it feel like?" Han asked.

"Like flutterflies. Flapping wings, trying to fly free. It feels so strange. Han, it's making me nervous."

"Hey, baby. Baby flutterfly. I wish I could feel you like Mommy can."

"Stars, Han! Don't call me that!"

"Mommy?" His smile was big, yet soft, thrilled, yet gentle. "You're gonna' be a great mom. We'll be great parents. I got a good feeling about this."


	14. Part 14

There was something peaceful about water, about its motion, the sound it made as it slapped along the sand. Leia was mesmerized, and she found herself smiling as she threw her head back and thrust her toes into the sand below the river’s surface. The cool waves were a relief from the beating rays of Reecee’s brilliant sun. But Leia knew she wouldn’t be lucky enough not to burn; her pale skin had never been summer-friendly.

Leia hiked up her skirt so it wouldn’t get wet, rolling the top band where it sat at her waist. Isab— who was younger than Leia— stood several feet across the river with an infant strapped to her back. She squinted in the daylight, surveying the waters while she clutched a net in both hands. “Allá!” she exclaimed, and handed Leia one corner of the net. “You toss. Over there," she directed.

Leia stepped forward and tossed the net just as Isab had shown her to while Isab tossed a handful of food pellets. Something caught on the net, yanking it back, and— surprised— Leia gave way and stepped forward. Without criticism, Isab joined her and took hold of the net. “Right here,” she instructed, “you pull. Just drag back to shore with you.”

Her efforts were met with resistance, but she pulled just as Isab had shown her countless times until she'd dragged the net out of the waves and onto the dry sand. She looked back to the tethered net where a few fish were entangled, shiny tails flapping helplessly against the sand. She huffed a sigh and played it off as exhaustion as she considered the greater sums the other women had been dragging in for the last hour, but Isab still came hurrying to her side, shouting gleefully, "Harra! Harra! Beautiful fish! You do good." The woman knelt before the net and, in a single fluid motion, unsheathed a knife from her hip and cut into the head of one fish.

Leia was a trained soldier; and Leia had eaten fish plenty, too. But there was something about it that made her stomach take a deep-sea dive as Isab seized the fish in one hand and ripped off the head with a crunch. She held it up for Leia to see. "Good meal," she exclaimed, then tossed the dead fish into a basket with the rest of the day's catch.

Nearby, a few of the other women chuckled with amusement. "That's how we pick out the new ones," one of them— Himah, Leia thought she remembered her name was— said to her. "Whoever goes green in the face. But don't worry. It gets easier."

Leia smiled in appreciation as she took a seat beside her and the others. "I came here straight from the Alliance. I didn't think I could be surprised."

Nakia, a women closer to Isab's age with piercing jade eyes and full lips, cast Leia a sympathetic smile. "We know things can't be easy for the Rebel Alliance, but they are their own government. They have their own resources, and you get it all handed to you. 'Here is what you need for this mission', they say. Here? Food, shelter, clothes. It is all up to you. Here, you work for yourself. No time for any other commitments."

"Why don't you all just join the Rebel Alliance, then? They would gladly take you in, feed you. We have plenty of resources whether the Empire realizes it or not—"

Himah just laughed. "Leia, Leia! Why are you here, huh? What do we have that your Alliance doesn't? Why can't you just go back to them?"

It took Leia no longer than a second to understand, and, at once, she felt so stupid for it to have taken her even this long to understand. Really, it wasn't about what the Alliance didn't have so much as what they did that Han and Leia had come to Reecee to escape. She understood now why all these women were here, why they stayed here, and it said so much about them, something that they all shared— something Leia didn't see in herself.

"Family. You're all here to be with your family."

"The Rebel Alliance is a glorious and righteous figure, and it is thanks to it that we have any hope at all in this galaxy. But there's a commitment that comes with being a Rebel, is there not? A commitment that discourages families and looks down on relationships."

Leia couldn't deny any of it. She didn't see it as a slight against the Alliance— it was just the truth. Being a soldier in the Alliance was constant. Constant moving, running, new stations, new assignments, often new peers. There was no time to dedicate to a whole family— there was hardly time to dedicate to a relationship between just two people. If that wasn't a great enough obstacle, High Command did have the tendency to view relationships and families as distractions. While General Rieekan had definitely participated in Rogue Squadron's betting pools concerning Han and Leia's relationship, Mon Mothma set herself in charge of overseeing that every Rebel under her command was equipped with the most efficient birth control. It was all a necessity for the Alliance, really. They couldn't afford to lose their soldiers for honeymoons and babies.

Leia laughed silently to herself, laying her hand over her small belly. Mothma was rigorous about that damn birth control schedule, and it was thanks to that and the luckiest timing that Leia and Han had to thank for their little package. Mothma had set everyone's calendars and the next renewal was scheduled for approximately a month after the battle on Hoth. L _ ucky you _ , Leia thought with more joy than she'd predicted she would have about it.  _ Or you wouldn't be here, and Daddy and I would be racing back for the fleet. _

"You're right," Leia admitted to the women. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of facing my colleagues and telling them I'm pregnant."

"I'm sure it's even worse for you. if you don't mind my saying so." Nakia's eyes grew round as the plump fruits she had just been picking from the trees earlier. "But you are a leader of the Rebellion, are you not? In High Command?"

"Was," Leia corrected her with her own amused grin. "But, yes, I sat on the High Command's Provisional Council for three years, made decisions, commanded troops. But they knew before I did that something could matter more to me than the Rebellion. I suppose it was just a matter of time before I left looking for something more."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you don't belong with the Rebellion. These things change; they're subjective. It's a matter of choosing whether you would rather be part of bringing change to the galaxy or being part of a family."

"So, you all chose family."

"Actually," Nakia grinned. "We chose the rebellion." She raised an eyebrow and added a drawl to her tone as she elaborated, "Or, at least I did. Until I met my husband and he forgot the protection."

Refusing to give her even the satisfaction of an eyeroll, Himah took over. "But that's what Casita is for. You can't fight forever. At some point, you have to rest, find your own happiness. Maybe, that means having a family. Maybe, not. But if you do— or, whatever you do— you aren't alone. You have everyone else in the village to encourage you and help you along the way."

"I really appreciate that. Han and I will certainly need the help."

"Yes!" Nakia exclaimed. "I saw you practicing to swaddle on Guada and Mari's dolls. You aren't going to strangle the baby, but you just might drop her!"


	15. Part 15

Leia was glad that the women of the village had decided it was time to move on from their fishing. From the riverside, she walked with Nakia, Himah, and Rewa to a great earthen lodge situated in the middle of Casita. Across the worn pathway was what Rewa had told Leia was the school. At the commotion of the women returning, dozens of bright and eager faces spilled out and called and waved to their mothers. "Sipho!" Nakia hollered to her own little boy who stood at the outer edge of the assembled crowd. "You get back inside now!"

Rewa chuckled, nudging Nakia's elbow as she brushed past. "He is just happy to see you."

"He sees me every day. He doesn't see the teacher every day. Why can't he be excited when he sees the teacher?"

"What age groups are there for the school?" Leia asked after surveying the crowd of children. "And do they all take the same lessons together?"

Rewa answered, "Sending your children to school is optional. Most mothers teach their children themselves. Their speech, letters, numbers. Whatever they believe their children need to know. So, for the most part, school is more for ... upper level learning."

"Are there ever families who don't teach their children?"

"Leia." Nakia rolled her eyes. "Our husbands are smugglers. We all want our kids to learn."

Rewa snickered, and no one argued the jest.

They approached the entry to the lodge and Rewa beckoned Leia, "Come. We have much to show you still."

The lodging was filled with music and laughter. They scattered across the room in groups, but mingled all together, laughing and hollering. Some sang while they worked, cutting up fruits and fish and trading amongst each other. Others were set to work with various art projects: beading, weaving together grasses, twine, and ribbons, or carefully shaping wet molds of clay.

Rewa handed her basket of fish off to a passerby who swept it away across the room to her group. The women led Leia to the other side of the lodge, seating themselves amidst a pile of twigs and leaves. "Forgive me- I was wandering outside yesterday," Rewa whispered to Leia, leaning close. "But there is something you must understand about our village and the lives we’ve made for ourselves. We are not simply housewives. Marriage is a partnership, and we have our own worth to add to our homes." She picked out a few threads and went about stitching them together. "I don't suppose you saw a glimpse of the city, did you? The markets?"

"You make the products and sell them to the vendors."

Rewa beamed. "The vendors pay us well, too. They make good credits off pottery and weaved works especially."

A surge of guilt hit Leia, and she bowed her head mournfully. "Rewa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that as a slight against you or anyone else here—"

Rather than seeming expectant, Rewa appeared more amused by the insinuation that Leia had meant offense in the midst of her heated argument with Han. The woman smiled and shook her head. "You are a strong woman— just the perfect fit for Han. You were raised to take on a career led by men, then went on to lead a military— also dominated by men. Leia, you've managed to grab onto control and find the life you want for yourself despite the obstacles. I would be frustrated too if I was apparently forced back into a more "fitting" role.

"But there's nothing wrong with the life you can have here. You can still be in control, do what you want, find something that makes you happy. You don't have to fit the ideal feminine image to be a good mother or a good wife."

It was impressive how spot-on Rewa had hit the mark. Leia had spent all her youth training and studying to join the senate and the Rebellion. The obstacles had been stacked against her from day one, and few had believed Leia Organa would make it far on her own. She was a woman— no, a girl. She was young, foolish, inexperienced. She didn't know enough about the galaxy to lead its people. She was too young to become a senator and make decisions. She was too weak to do anything meaningful for the Rebellion. She was small and skinny, and she was a poor swimmer. She was too innocent, too polite or modest to even touch a blaster— too weak to fire one. But if Bail Organa was going to use his influence to put Leia at the forefront of the Rebellion, then she could sit at a table all day with the rest of the politicians. Then, Bail died. Now, Leia was too emotional, too broken, too grief-stricken to possibly be in the right mind. She didn't know real war, didn't know what kind of sacrifice it took to fight the Empire. She was a princess; she didn't know what it meant to be a soldier, to bleed, to fall, to get back up.

Leia had fought so hard for so long to earn her place, and she'd still been fighting. Now, she was in love, pregnant, forced to stay behind while Han risked himself to keep her and their child safe. She felt like she'd surrendered to everyone who had sworn she wouldn't get anywhere. The Senate job hadn't worked out, and neither had the Rebellion, so now she was giving up, running away to hide from the shame. She had succumbed to the inevitable and was now taking her place at home. And she despised it.

"Being a mother is hard. It takes bravery and perseverance and strength and grit. It takes a lot— a lot that some bureaucrats just don't have. And it's important! Report me to your general, but I believe it's just as important as the job you had for the Alliance. Maybe, even more."

Leia chose to blame it on hormones when her vision blurred with salty tears. She was too relieved and in awe at Rewa's words to feel humiliated, and she wiped them away without a second thought. "Thank you, Rewa."

"Don't worry so much, dear. You will have plenty to worry over later."

Just as Leia returned her attention to the others in her group, watching them carefully weave, her stomach filled with little flutters again. She smiled to herself, settling a hand over her small curve.  _ I'm sorry, baby. Mommy's still getting used to this. _


	16. Part 16

Never before had it really hit Han how fast his life had been moving this last year. He found himself just moving along with it, figuring out his steps as he went. He'd hardly had the time to consider how much his life had changed until he returned from his trip to Obroa-skai to a little place he now called home. Back home, where he'd left his pregnant girlfriend for a two-week smuggling job. Though, 'girlfriend' sounded juvenile and rang all too hollow when Han considered the depth of his feelings for Leia. But their relationship too had suddenly rocketed from playful lovers trying to figure out how deep their feelings ran to— well, to be honest, Han wasn't sure what to call this new stage of their relationship.

Before they had found out they were pregnant, things were intimate physically and emotionally, but a roadblock had fallen between them when Han had realized how much he loved Leia. He wanted to stay with her, stay with the Rebellion if that's what it meant— but he had a bounty to take care of first, and he'd sworn to himself then that he wouldn't jeopardize Leia's safety and well-being just to be with her. Han's plan had consisted of him delivering Leia back to the Rebellion, then going to Tatooine by himself to deal with Jabba. Of course, Leia hadn't been as enthusiastic about this idea, and the fight started. He'd known he had to take care of things with Jabba first. He knew the hutt was past just hunting him for the money, but that was all the more reason to leave Leia and take care of the bounty. He couldn't stay with the Rebellion- with Leia— while Jabba was so determined to get to him. If they hurt Leia ... 

But then ... then, Leia gave him the greatest shock of his life. She was pregnant. The game flipped on him, and he knew— Han just knew he couldn't leave her. She couldn't go back to the Rebellion, she couldn't just race across the galaxy by herself. No, there wasn't time anymore. He had to stay with her, protect her—

Initially, Leia had been furious that everything suddenly changed once there was a baby in the picture, but she had come to understand Han's perspective and his genuine desire to do whatever was best for her; and he had come to understand her point, the loneliness and emptiness Leia had felt when he'd been teasing her with one foot out the door.

Now, they were here. There were still plenty of kinks to work out, obstacles to overcome, mutual understandings about their odd relationship to reach, but it was coming together. They were starting a new life from the very first brick, but it was all coming together piece by piece.

While it was a mighty jump to make from teasing Leia just to get her attention to worrying over her and their unborn child, Han thought he was facing it like a champ. He took it in stride, casually adjusted himself as the reality of their situation grew more apparent and— real. He'd never fancied himself quite the fatherly doting type, but Han still found himself returning home with just about every one of his thoughts on the baby. Well, every one that wasn't on Leia.

Han and Leia's home consisted of two levels, the higher one of which was some feet above ground and housed their bedroom. Han shrugged his pack off his shoulder, left it by the door, and crept up the stairs to their room. The door was wide open and the curtains were pulled back from the window, letting in the night's cool air and a shadow of moonlight. Usually, Leia got cold so easily, she'd have all the windows covered once the temperature started to settle in the evening. Han crossed the room to Leia's side of the bed, but found the covers thrown aside and her spot bare. It was late ... 

Before he could consider it further, Han heard the click of a blaster's safety setting behind him, and he whirled on his heel, reaching for his own trusty DL-44 where it rested at his hip. He took one step forward and—

"Oh, god, Han! You terrified me!" Han could make out Leia’s silhouette sagging against the doorway as she exhaled in relief, blaster dangling from two fingers.

“Leia, what in the hells are you doing up this early?”

“I was just grabbing a snack.”

“In the middle of the night?”

There was an audible sigh, and Leia’s shoulders fell. “I couldn’t sleep. You’ve spoiled me, Solo. I’ve gotten too used to your snoring. Without it …”

Han smirked. “You hate my snoring. Wasn’t that long ago you threatened to make me sleep in the cockpit if I didn’t figure something out.”

Leia merely smirked, feigning innocence. "What can I say— I've had a change of heart."

"Hmph! Yeah, alright, sweetheart." He could tell from the glowing flicker of mischief in Leia's eyes that she was in a playful mood; he just wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her into oblivion as he'd spent all of his last two weeks imagining. But Leia wouldn't be so easy tonight— she was going to make him work for it. "Now, why don't you welcome me back properly, and then you can tell me why you're really up."

"What? A woman can't stay up late and wait for her lover to return home?"

"Maybe," Han allowed. "If you knew for sure I was coming home tonight."

Leia tossed her shoulders. "I had a feeling."

"Oh, yeah? That's pretty impressive. You'll have to tell Luke you're a Jedi too." Even as he said it, Han caught himself chuckling quietly at the thought, and Leia seemed to agree with his assessment that the idea was quite funny as she erupted into wild laughter. "Unfortunately," she began as soon as she calmed enough to speak, "I am very normal in that way. No creepy magic powers."

"No? You even have a normal life now!"

That thought seemed to perturb Leia more than amuse her. She blinked once, muscles tensing, then quickly shook it off as she responded, "About as normal as it could get. But you're back to all the old adventures. How did your trip go?"

Han shrugged. "Uneventful. No big scares with Imperials or anything."

"Good."

"But I missed you."

"Did you, now?"

"C'mon, Leia. Please don't do this to me tonight. I haven't seen you in two weeks and I just want—"

But before he could further express how trying the past couple weeks had been or how close he'd been to dropping his load and racing back for home, Leia was in his arms, fingers tugging at the collar of his spacer jacket to pull his face down to hers. At that compromised height which they'd worked out over the long flight to Veridian— where Leia stood her tallest on her toes and Han bent his neck before he could get sore— their mouths met in passionate reunion, Leia's mouth working feverishly and hungrily. Han helped her out by lifting her from the ground, giving her a better advantage to work from. Her lips tangled with his for a moment longer before they broke apart for air. Leia's breath was warm against his neck as she laughed, "Must have been pretty bad for you to start using manners."

"Enjoy it, 'cause it's probably not happening again."

"Lucky you, I won't need a lot of convincing tonight."

"Is that so?"

Leia reached to touch the floor again, looped her finger on his belt, and turned for the bed, taking Han with her. "I really missed you. I missed sleeping with you. And not sleeping with you."

"I can tell."

"In fact, I don't think I want to sleep tonight."

"Except that you still haven't told me why you were already up."

"It's nothing. We don't need to talk about it right now."

"Okay." Han abruptly separated himself from Leia and reached to put out the candle at his bedside.

“Han,” she sighed.

“You said there’s nothing to talk about …”

"Fine! I had a nightmare! Now, please don't put it out!"

The flame went on burning. The bed creaked in the silence of the room when Han moved to settle into the sheets beside Leia. She refused to look at him, hiding her face behind her hands. "Han, I'm really tired, so could we just please save this for another time and go to sleep?"

"You just told me you've been up all night because you were having nightmares."

"It's nothing I haven't dealt with."

"Well, I think that's a lame excuse for not wanting to talk about it. Have you been having these nightmares since I left?"

"Han," her words fell out with a grieved sigh. "Please— "

"No, I want to help you. How am I supposed to help when you won't tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't need help. I don't need you to take this onto yourself. What I battle with isn't for you to cope with."

"Seems like you don't understand how a relationship works."

She blinked again.

"This is a relationship, right? Where we both care about each other, so you tell me about your nightmares and I comfort you." When she only stared back, an unnamed sorrow haunting her eyes, not a ray of hope visible— that look! She didn't understand, couldn't see how far they had come— she didn't get it, didn't get how deeply rooted his devotion was, exactly how far into the depths Leia had dragged him. That woman— she drove him mad. Han was certain she would be the death of him.

"Leia," he shook his head as if to wake himself from a nightmare. "This isn't Hoth anymore. I thought you realized."

"What do you mean?" She already knew. Han could tell because her eyes were already watering, and she was pulling on the inside of her cheek between her teeth. She knew— she just wouldn't let herself finish the thought.

"I don't have a foot out the door anymore. I'm stuck. I'm stuck right here, right next to you, and it's gonna' take all nine of Corellia's hells to get rid of me. And maybe Mustafar too. But I'm not leaving you on my will. I'm not letting you hide from me or fight me anymore."

Leia's nose twitched in her effort to resist tears, but she was losing that battle, and Han smiled because it made him so relieved. "I love you, Leia Organa. You hear me? I love you. I'm crazy about you. So, now you don't have to hurt alone anymore 'cause I love you and I'm gonna' take care of you. That's what a relationship is. That's what's happened to us. It isn't just you, Princess. I'm carrying everything you're carrying."

It was the most intimate assurance he could have given her. Ever since Alderaan, Leia had insisted on carrying everything around her on her shoulders. Though, she hadn't had anyone else then to help her carry her grief and pain. But she had him now, and Han would make damn well sure she knew it. She would never have to carry anything on her own because he outright refused to let her.

He found her hand beneath the blankets, pulled it out into the open with his. Han threaded their fingers together and squeezed. He promised her, “We share everything now,” and left a gentle kiss atop her head.

Leia raised their clasped hands to her lips and kissed his. From between trembling lips, she murmured, “I love you.”

Han kissed away each salty tear, resolving to let things go for now. He was tired, she was tired, and he just wanted to hold her while he was home. So, he left it at that, promising her, “I know, Princess. Fierfek, I know.”


	17. Part 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: In case you don't follow me on Tumblr, I am leaving for a three-week trip to Europe in less than a week. That means that this will be the last update for the month. No promises when the next update will come, but I am working on it. Thank you, guys, for your support!

Casita was alight with joyous celebration the third week of the month Tremer when many of the women’s husbands returned home to celebrate a disgraced Old Republic holiday. Traditional Winter Fete celebrations had been stamped out when the Empire had risen, hastily replaced with an annual week-long celebration of Empire Day— a galactic holiday celebrating the birth and reign of the Empire. Back when the Republic had fallen, holojournalists had called it poetic injustice that Emperor Palpatine formed the Empire the same week as the galaxy’s beloved holidays. Now, hardly anyone seemed to remember what Winter Fete had once been. Like the week’s history, Leia had retained mixed feelings about the week her entire life. It seemed such a small thing to be so bothered by, but Leia abhorred the fact that her birthday fell on Empire Day. Surely, the incident of and events surrounding her birth couldn’t have been anything more than circumstantial, but it was just her luck that she got to share a day of celebration with Darth Vader.

However, this time of the year had gotten easier since she’d struck her lowest point with it following the loss of Alderaan. Since they’d met, Han had made sure every year to make the day count for something. And this year, in all its simplicity and lack of true pomp, had to be one of the best.

Leia sat outside around a bonfire between Rewa and Nakia, surrounded by a dozen other friends she’d made since residing in the village. Everyone laughed, the woman teasing their husbands who had set themselves to work with preparing dinner. “It’s not often we get to wait on our wives like we ought to,” Dundu, Nakia’s husband, had said earlier, flashing his wife a charming smile. Nakia had appeared unimpressed as she returned his gaze with a raised brow and an amused smirk. “Let us make dinner tonight.”

Leia found herself thoroughly entertained as she peeked at Han, watching him watch the others in confusion, adding this spice to that pan and making alarmed expressions throughout. “How’s dinner coming, flyboy?” she asked him once, laughing as his attention snapped to her. “Just great!” he assured her over the crackling of the fire and boisterous laughter of the crowd. “Real spicy, Corellian style. Just the way I know you like it.”

“Let me try,” she requested, admittedly concerned, and Han held out a spoon for Leia to smell. When she was convinced her stomach agreed with the heady aroma, Leia smiled and kissed Han’s temple. “I can’t wait to eat it!” Lately, her stomach didn’t seem to agree with anything Leia wanted to eat, and she was glad she could enjoy this night to its fullest.

“So, do you think you will eventually go back to the Alliance?”

The question startled Leia like a sudden dawn in the middle of her reverie, like a harsh drop back into reality from a place she’d confused with an oasis. Leia looked up sharply at the speaker: a Tatooine-tanned man with dark, gentle eyes that meant no harm, yet a paradox to his tall and mighty build—

“Pardon me?”

“I was just wondering if you and Han plan to rejoin the Rebel fleet after your child is born.”

“Oh, right. Uh, Han and I haven’t made any final decisions about that yet.”

The man— who happened to be Nakia’s husband— nodded in apparent understanding. “I do hope you end up staying. I’ve had a wonderful time getting to know you and your husband.”

Leia nearly choked on the ladle of stew Han had dished out for her. She made quick work of swallowing the meat chunks and wiping her mouth as she regained her composure. “Han and I aren’t married,” she tried to laugh.

Dundu, on the other hand, seemed genuinely amused. “No? Oh! Well, my apologies, then. Please forgive me, but the two of you act like you’ve been married for some time, it seems.”

“Well, Han and I do share an interesting relationship.”

He grimaced. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken so absently.”

“No worries. It was a simple mistake.”

As if sensing that the simple mistake had irked Leia more than she was willing to let on, Nakia cleared her throat, tapping Dundu’s bicep. “Dear, why don’t you go check on our boys. They’re too quiet.”

Nakia waited until he’d wandered off, chasing after one of their sons until she took a seat beside Leia, her face lit up in open bemusement. “So. Marriage not in the cards?”

“Oh, stars! I’m not ready to think about marriage. You have no idea how fast things have been moving since Han and I left the Rebellion.”

“I’m not here to poke my nose in your guys’ business, but that was entertaining.”

“No, no. That could have put me into early labor right there.”

Nakia laughed. “Alright, so no wedding in the near future. Marriage aside, how are you and Han? How did his first smuggling trip go?”

The grimace she got for a response was nearly an answer enough if Nakia didn’t care for the context. She waited, didn’t say anything, didn’t laugh. Leia adjusted her seated position— a feat which was already growing difficult for her— and her gaze sought out Han in the crowd, following him while she indulged Nakia. “His trip went well. No close calls or brushes with Imperials. It was just a quick and easy run that time.”

“I take it he’s already signed on for his next job.”

“He wants to go to Corellia.”

When Nakia looked, Leia was keeping a death grip on her bowl and wooden spoon. Her knuckles were white, filled with not anger but fear and tension.

“I know there are plenty of other smugglers there— the Empire only wishes they could keep up with the smuggler traffic there— but it’s still in the Core. The Imps watch for rebel activity there as heavily as they do the Alliance in general. And he’s gotten in trouble with them on smuggling runs before. The last thing we need is to add another digit to the price on either of our heads.” Leia shook her head. “I know he’ll be okay. I know he’ll come back. I just wish I could— make sure.” She paused and looked at Nakia. “Have you ever wanted to go with your husband on one of his trips?”

Nakia chuckled to herself. “I know what you mean, but I have been with him on trips before. Plenty of them, actually. In fact, that’s how we met. I was trying to start up my own smuggling company on the edge of the Outer Rim, and I met Dundu on one of my runs. When we hooked up, we started running out trips together. Then, I got pregnant, and I couldn’t keep it up. I had to stay behind and take care of myself while he was out stars knew where with a whole shipment of drugs and weapons headed for rebel cells. Of course, it scared me; it still does, but I think it helped that I had gone with him on so many trips before. I knew that he was cautious. He never took unnecessary risks or made rash decisions. When I became pregnant, it made him even more aware. I never stop worrying about him, but it helps me when I can remind myself that I know he’s fully capable of taking care of himself and making the right judgement call. Leia, I know it’s hard, but I can’t see Han picking jobs he isn’t completely confident that he can manage. He loves you and your child; he will do anything to get back to the two of you.”

Leia rolled her lips between her teeth, nodding. “I know. I know he will.”

“But now the time thing is getting to you,” Nakia guessed. “He just got back and he already has plans for his next trip.”

“I thought that, by coming here, we would be escaping this. It was just the Rebellion doing this to us.”

“I’m sorry.” Nakia’s eyes appeared to apologize enough for her, but her tone dripped with true remorse. “I do call Casita a haven, and I stand by that. … But it isn’t paradise.”

* * *

 

Joy, comfort, warmth, assurance. Leia felt these things, but more as if she were touching them, as not belonging to her, disconnected from her body. It wasn’t a sensation because sensations were things experienced on a personal level; one could only experience sensations for themselves. That’s not what this was. Leia was positive of that, if only because she knew that she was not feeling joy or comfort at this moment. But she was aware of those feelings as if they were their own entities within the room.

Leia shook her head in an attempt to clear the confusion, and refocused her thoughts and awareness on herself and Han. She had given up on trying to fit her Rebel fatigues over her belly, and retrieved one of Han’s plain shirts from their dresser to wear to bed instead.

“Not even asking anymore, huh?” Han chuckled. He pulled off his vest and tossed it aside, replacing his tighter day pants with sweats. “Now I know why I didn’t have any clean clothes when I got back.”

Leia shrugged. “It’s either this or nothing. Unless you want to stop by a maternity store while you’re on Corellia.”

“You’re beautiful, you know.”

“That’s sweet, flyboy, but it doesn’t bother me.”

“Didn’t think it did. I was just saying.”

Leia couldn’t help but smile at Han’s gentle sweetness. He certainly had his moments. But she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that it was the scruffy-looking nerf herder side of Han she’d first fallen in love with. It was precisely the thing about him which had always driven Leia out of her mind until she’d come to realize it was the part of Han that made him treat her the way he did; it was his scruffy side that drove him to treat her as an equal, as the mere person she was.

She pulled Han’s extra large shirt over her head, then crawled into bed beside him. He helped her, pulling aside the covers for her, then stuffing pillows behind her back. “Today was nice,” he commented.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Nakia’s and Isab’s husbands taught me a lot. Now, maybe I can do the cooking more often.”

She smiled again. “That would be nice.”

“And they showed me some stuff to help with the baby too. Like, how to clean out stains from clothes, and how to fold up a dirty diaper.”

Leia nodded. “That’s good.”

Han tilted his head to give her a sideways look, frowning as he searched her face. “You sound— unimpressed.”

She blinked and silently cursed herself, her chest filling with guilt. Then, a sudden spike of anxiety joined the flood, a surge Leia hadn’t anticipated. “No! No, Han, I’m glad! That’s great! I just— maybe, do you think we have a conversation without bringing up the baby?”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I—” Leia opened her mouth, then closed it, and opened it again. “What about us? Han, I’m halfway through this pregnancy. We don’t have a lot of time left before it’s us and the baby. And then, it’s never going to be just us again.”

“Wow. Yeah. Guess these first few months flew by.”

“Hoth doesn’t feel so long ago. Have you thought about that, Han? It really wasn’t that long ago that we were yelling at each other across the corridors of Echo Base, slinging every ridiculous insult that came to mind.” It was funny when Leia thought back on it, and Han seemed to agree. His eyes and lips danced with amusement which then turned to love when his gaze returned to her. “We were just ourselves then. There was— something between us, but we couldn’t even put it into words, and then we were on Veridian and we started to figure out what was happening, but then—”

Han laid his hand over her rounded middle where their baby rested safe in mother. Leia met his gaze, and the sight of such rich and innocent love in his eyes was enough to touch off her own delicate hormones. Baby chose that moment to stretch, relishing father’s touch. Leia covered Han’s hand with her own, caressing the spot—

Joy. Pure, innocent, unrestrained love and joy. Bewilderment, thrill at the feel of her and Han’s love. Not quite understanding what was happening, but knowing that this was right, surrounded by love—

Leia’s hand flinched, and she was quick to withdraw it back to her lap. The shiver didn’t pass by Han’s notice, and he frowned, brow creasing in concern. She shook her head, once again dismissing the dizzying wave of foreign emotions. “Then, this happened,” she concluded. “And we didn’t have a lot of time between this and Hoth to figure us out.”

“No, I s’pose not.”

“Han, I love you, but I’m afraid that we’ll start trying to change our relationship just because we’re having a baby, and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want that to ruin everything.”

He stared at her, dumbfounded. “After three years, I finally got you to admit you loved me. I’m not letting anything major change.”

“But something major is changing.”

“Sure, but I’m not letting that change us.”

“But I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves either. We were hardly on Veridian for a few months before we found out. I don’t want to lose track of where we’re really at in our relationship. Or, let what people think about us dictate how we act.”

“All your friends’ husbands thought we’re married?”

Leia’s eyes bulged. “They said the same thing to you?!”

“I just had a couple guys ask how long we been married.”

“How did you respond?”

Han feigned the most charming smile he could, leering over Leia as he told her, “Happiest day of my life.”

Rationally, Leia knew Han would never put her in such a situation. He would never lie about their relationship or lead anyone to think there was more or less to them than there was. Yet, in an instant’s notice, Leia lost hold of her rational thinking and was prepared to unleash her wrath on him. “You didn’t!”

Of course, Han wouldn’t, and he laughed, quite amused with himself. “No, but that was funny, wasn’t it?”

She firmly shook her head.

“What’s that? I can’t hear you? Is that a smile I see? Why, sweetheart, I think that means a ‘yes’.”

“No!”

Before Leia could scoot away, Han enveloped her in his arms, squeezed her close as she struggled and wriggled in his grasp. “Hey, alright, I hear you. ‘Yes, Han. I wish we were married, Han. I just love you so-o-o much’.”

“Shut up!”

With one hand, he traced her side from her breast downward, a hint enough for her as to what torture he had in mind. At once, she stiffened, her spine straightening ramrod. He tickled his hand above her hip and she squealed. "I don't know what I'd ever do without you."

"Han Solo, let me go!"

He would, but the ring of her laughter was all too sweet a melody to stop so abruptly.

"I'm so glad I rescued you back on the Death Star."

"Hold up! You think you rescued me?"

Laughing in her ear, Han stopped, but he didn't let her go quite yet. She relaxed in his arms, all the tension rushing from her muscles. He leaned over her, legs now straddling her hips. Her smile was lazy but thrilled, instinct driving her to anticipation. Now, he definitely couldn't let her down. "That's an argument for another time, Princess. For now, though—"

"It's still just us."

"Yeah." He looked at her for a moment, gazed upon her like a generous feast. Somehow, against all the odds, she was his. And, in return, he was happily hers. But it was true, he supposed, that they didn't have much time left for just them; and while Han held no regrets as he surveyed the wondrous slope of Leia's belly that was— for now— their child's home, he vowed to make what time they had left worth every moment.

"What do you say we have a date night? Just the two of us? We'll go out of town or stay on the  _ Falcon _ so there's no one to bother us. I'll court you like a real gentleman."

"Ooh. You must be warming up for your comedy performance because that was funny."

He smirked.

"I love the sound of that. In fact, would you be willing to up the deal to the whole day?"

"Anything you want, sweetheart."

She patted his chest, took hold of his shirt and pulled him down toward her. "I love you. Han Solo."

Han bent to kiss her, leaving a trail down her cheek to her neck. He whispered against her collarbone, firmly and clearly, "I love you."


	18. Part 18

As she awoke to the aromas of a hefty breakfast and the sounds of Han stumbling around the kitchen, Leia wondered if it was the simple moments like this one that the domestic life was all about.

Though she well accustomed to having no sleep schedule or even getting a reasonable amount of sleep, her body was more than happy to sleep in until she was woken up by her alarm or Han without question. Leia was immensely grateful for that side-effect of her sleep-deprivation, though she supposed she also had the baby to thank for that. So help her, stars above, but she had happily surrendered to Han's demand, and Leia refused to get up before eight unless it was absolutely necessary. More often than not, Han would join her in this small rebellion of its own and remain in bed, though he did sometimes grow restless and could only stay so long. When he did get up before her, he seemed to take pride in surprising her with this or that task already completed. Or, on occasion, with breakfast in bed. She took it was just that Han had in mind for this morning, and she smiled to herself, content, and relaxed back into the bedsheets.

Leia was in awe of the tranquility of the morning, the simple peace and quiet that surrounded her, lack of any alarm or unease. She savored the sheer contentment she felt if only in fear that it would be all too soon when she lost it. She and Han had planned for today to be a simple day, relaxing if such a thing were possible. Stress-free and reassuring was the goal despite the many small errands they planned to make throughout their free day. But it was still reserved just for them, a reprieve from their surroundings and time for them to spend together by themselves, enjoy their time together before it was no longer just the two of them in their home. With an inward grimace, Leia remembered that she was now twenty weeks along, and precious time was running out.

Before she sat on that terrifying thought too long, the bedroom door slowly creaked open until Han came into view carrying a tray of eggs, sausages, and fruit. He leaned forward to peer at her around the indented doorway. "You awake already?"

Leia nodded, shifting to lean on an elbow. "I heard you clunking around the kitchen."

"But you stayed in here?"

She smiled guiltily. "I'm not ready to get out of bed quite yet."

While amused, Han appeared doubtful. "You were waiting for me to bring breakfast to you."

Leia struggled to hold back her guilty smile, and her own amusement spilled through her expression. "Were you not going to bring it to me anyway?"

"You don't know. I could have been waiting for you until I decided to leave without you."

"Mmm," Leia scrunched up her face in a mocking look, stretching as she sat up. "That's not how dates go."

Deciding that Leia had won— this time— Han simply shook his head and laid Leia's plate before her.

"But I love you for bringing me breakfast in bed," she offered. "You're too sweet."

"Hey, don't go spreading that filthy rumor around."

Leia tossed him her slickest smirk, her chin turning up in pride. With the scent of breakfast wafting just beneath her nose, however, her victory celebration was short-lived as her attention was pulled by more important matters. Han must have seen the hunger in her eyes because he quickly offered her a plate from his tray, and Leia wasted no time in digging in.

As soon as Leia had finished breakfast, she changed into a yellow sundress with lace sleeves that hung off her shoulders. Nakia had lent her a headscarf that was common of Reecee women to wear in the sun. Paired with dark sunglasses, Leia decided the outfit was enough to ward off onlookers. Han wore what he normally wore, convinced that Reecee saw enough smuggler activity to not bat an eye— his beloved Corellian blood-stripe trousers with a light and airy white shirt, buttoned uniform-style to the top. One glance, and Leia undid the top three fasteners, smirking mischievously. They stepped out of their home hand in hand and strolled leisurely for town.

* * *

 

Han was thankful for the time and space to just— walk. And with Leia at his side, there was a tranquility to the air he had never felt before. All his worries seemed to float away on the wings of the wind, passing him by and leaving him behind. There was no longer a great and heavy rancor in the room, but a mutual understanding that there were conversations to be had. They would come. And Han and Leia both would be ready to face them. He wondered if he should begin to broach one now, so many questions and doubts nibbling at his confidence in the future. There was so much to decide. His gaze followed Leia's profile, the new rounded corners to her face, the blooming swell of her belly where she kept a hand gently pressed. So little time.

"How's little cub treating you today?" Chewbacca had been the first to call the baby such, and not with the intention of creating a nickname, but— well, that's what all wookiees called their young or unborn offspring, and he hadn't understood at first what Han found so funny about calling the baby his "cub". But Leia had found the mistaken translation to be endearing, and now the baby was Cub.

Leia ran her hand down her belly, smoothing out the wrinkles on her dress, and drew on a cheerful smile. "Not too bad. My back is better this morning. Although, I think they're going to be active today. Cub hasn't settled down since I woke up."

Han chuckled. "Sounds like my kid."

"Speaking of our kid …"

"Yeah, I figured we'd probably end up talking about some stuff today."

Leia's lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she turned her gaze down to her bump. "It's already not just us."

For a moment, Han wondered if there was a hint of resentment there or not; if there was, he wasn't judging her for it. This certainly wasn't how he'd imagined spending his first months with Leia when he finally broke her down. Yet, Han couldn't find it in himself to regret it either. There was something incredibly beautiful about such a physical manifestation of what he felt for Leia and she in turn for him.

"I guess it's not," he finally agreed. "But I don't think that's completely a bad thing."

Leia shook her head, a slight frown curving her lips. "I don't either. It just reminds me how little time we have to prepare."

"Yeah, well." He didn't know what to say, where to start. But Leia took over for him as she drew herself up against him, her form conforming to his. "We need to start thinking about names. Set up the nursery, buy everything we'll need like clothes, pacifiers, a crib, blankets—"

"Actually, I was thinking I could build the crib myself. It'd save us a couple credits. I'll see if Dundu will help me gather some wood for it. And a changing table, and a dresser too."

"Han, we don't even have a dresser. Does the baby really need one—?"

"Right after I make the crib and changing table, I'll make us a dresser too."

She smiled, her cheeks flushing.

"So, I'll make the furniture for the baby's room and we'll be that much closer to being prepared."

Leia blushed fiercely, but she pushed on, taking Han's hand between her own. "For now, how about we just focus on the smaller things. We can look for clothes and blankets."

"I should have enough from my last paycheck for the important stuff."

For a long moment, Leia didn't respond. Han felt her settle against him, her hand tightening its grip on his arm. "I love you."

"I know," he smirked. "Why now?"

Leia rolled her eyes, but didn't break their contact. "I love you for staying with me. For staying for our baby. For going back to smuggling for us. I know you hate it. Han, I'm sorry for snapping at you when you first decided to start working again. I should have known you didn't want to go back, but that you were doing it for us."

"Sweetheart, I still don't believe half the stuff I'm willing to do for you." Her laughter erupted like a generous fountain, joyous and plenty in its flow. It drove Han wild. He did his best to cover it, nonchalantly stuffing his hands in his pockets and tossing his head. "Spoiled little princess," he muttered.

"The things we do for love," Leia supplied, and Han couldn't help but smile with her. But while hers was in amusement, his was in acknowledgement.

"I quit smuggling for you. Then, I go back to smuggling for you."

"I know," Leia sighed theatrically. "I'm high maintenance. It must take a lot out of you to put up with me."

Entirely deadpan, Han rolled his neck to look at her and growled, "You have no kriffing clue, Princess." Suddenly, however, his features softened with concern which automatically put Leia on edge. "Though, you have been pretty up and down lately."

"You mean 'hormonal'?"

"No! Like— okay, yeah, a little bit. Sometimes. But I mean, you keep doing this thing where you'll freeze like something else is catching your attention, and you'll stare off into space, and you look really confused."

"Oh, wow. Thanks."

"No, Leia! Come on— don't be like that. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Of course, Han; I'm just thinking."

"No," he shook his head. Han squeezed his eyelids closed until they wrinkled like he himself was practicing great strain to find the words he was looking for. "No, you aren't just thinking. I don't mean it in a rude way, but it just seems like you're— uncomfortable? I dunno'! Like you know something isn't quite right. It happened just last week— when we got home from that party in the village."

And Leia knew exactly what Han was talking about. But she didn't know what it was for herself. She could still recall with stunning clarity what it felt like— those odd moments of pure, sweet joy, contentment, love, and innocence, but she didn't know what they meant, why she was feeling them, or if they were all just fragments from her overactive imagination.

"Oh," she shook her head, remaining casual even though she couldn't shake the moments off when they came. "That."

"Yeah,  _ that. _ Mind telling me what's bothering you?"

Leia shook her head. "Nothing is bothering me. It's just— weird. Don't worry about it, Han."

"No?"

"No, it's strange. If I told you what I think, you would tell me I'm crazy."

"Sweetheart, you're bumming around with me; I already know you're crazy."

Leia just rolled her eyes. "Fine. You want to know what it is? Sometimes, I get these impressions of moods that I don't really feel. Like, when it happened last week while we were talking, I was worried and stressed, but I felt— joy. But I knew I didn't actually feel that way." She shook her head, shrugging. "See? It doesn't even make sense. It's probably just hormones. It's nothing, really. It's silly."

"No, no, I'm just trying to understand."

Leia sighed. "Okay, hold out one of your hands." Han obeyed, and Leia put one of her own beside his. Then, she laid her other hand over his. "I can feel a hand beneath mine. But when I touch it, I know that it's your hand— not mine." Briefly, she met his eyes just to see if he was smirking, but Han's attention was focused on her so heavily that Leia could only feel comforted by it. "That's what it feels like," she told him. "I know it's not mine, but I still feel it. I can still  _ touch _ it."

A long silence filled the space between them as Leia awaited his response, waited for him to chuckle and tease her for 'feeling things'— but he didn't. Instead, Han slowly looked up to meet her expectant gaze, a small, wrinkled crease halfway between his brows. "You mean, like the Force?"

Leia blinked. "What?"

"You know, like how Luke always knows when you're upset or happy 'cause of his Force powers or whatever."

She managed to nod— once. "But that's the  _ Force _ ."

"Yeah, but you're saying it's like that?"

She blinked again. "Sure."

Apparently arriving to the conclusion that Leia was in fact crazy, Han shook his head and stretched an arm around her. "You just need to relax. You're getting too worked up over all the baby stuff."

Fully willingly, Leia relaxed into his embrace, settled her head on his shoulder as she walked alongside him. "Baby stuff," she laughed shortly under her breath. "It's important stuff."

"'Course. Just— maybe, don't take it too seriously."

"Han—"

"I mean it, sweetheart. S'not gonna' make things better."

"Yeah, I know, I just …"

There were a million possible endings to that statement, but Leia let the silence fall, left Han to wonder which one she was thinking. Maybe, she thought, he would settle on a better answer than she had. She looked ahead down the street, tried to move on from the moment, but Han was just as stubborn as she; in short, she should have known he wouldn't let it go. "You know I'm thinking about all this stuff too. It's not just you, and I'm gonna' make sure of that."

Leia wasn't in the mood to talk so seriously about all these changes even though it was all she could think about. Instead, she opted for a sly change in topic as she caught a glimmer in her eye. "Han Solo," she drawled, "being responsible, huh?"

This time, he seemed willing to go along with it. "Yeah. Another one of your annoying attributes you've rubbed off on me."

"What a shame. Already, I can hardly recognize you!"

"And it's all your fault," he muttered. "Why don't we talk about something less stressful but just as important."

"Like what?"

"Like names."

"Names," she echoed. With the way Leia seemed to marvel at the thought, Han wondered if she'd completely forgotten about naming their kid. At least, he wouldn't be surprised. He kind of had.

"Yeah, names. What, did you think we were actually going to call our kid 'Cub'?"

"Shut up! I just— keep forgetting we still have that to consider."

"I guess Cub doesn't sound too bad …"

"It doesn't, does it? Cub Organa Solo." Leia could feel Han's smirk through the squeeze he gave her hand at that moment.

"You wanna' give our kid my name?"

"We were equal partners in this, were we not? It's only fair you get half the blame."

"Very touching, sweetheart."

* * *

 

Han could make Leia forget just about anything. In the past, the beginning days of their knowing each other, he'd helped her forget her grief and the pain threatening to take her down with the rest of Alderaan. He had his tricks to distract her, annoying her, teasing her until her misery was nearly nonexistent. He'd given her companionship, security, a shoulder to lean on. Even now, he could make her forget that their lives were about to change dramatically. He could distract her from the fears swarming her awareness. He could make her feel like they had nothing but time for just the two of them. She didn't know how he did it; she just knew she loved him for it.

Leia was terrified— so terrified. She wished she had her mother with her to talk to, to help prepare her. She wished there was still peaceful Alderaan to provide stability, a promising home with a promising paycheck. But those dear things were lost to her, and she would never get them back. But she had Han, and that was, perhaps, even greater.

He couldn't take away her fear, free her of every worry, but she knew he was here to stick around. Because they were playing the long game now. Expectations, commitment, and all. Certainly not the jump to hyperspace Leia had been expecting when they'd first left Hoth.

At one point in their walk through the street vendors, Han caught her eye, a playful smirk shining there. His pace picked up and he tugged on her hand as he headed for the corner of the street.

"Fierfek, Han! I can't walk any faster; my feet are killing me already."

"We're almost there!"

"Almost where? I'm getting hungry and—"

"There's a café just down the street. Lots of sweets, pastries."

"You sound like a man with a plan."

"Maybe 'cause I do." He grinned at her— that same lopsided grin that had been driving her insane since she met him, and the effect had yet to show signs of wavering. What that cocky little smile of his did to her … he already knew, but Leia wasn't going to let him have the pleasure of her surrender. "This is supposed to be a date, remember?"

"Our first and last," Leia quipped.

"Then, we better make the most of it."

Once again, Han took her hand, then lead her down the street to the outside café. A server greeted them with menus, and they found a table in the shade where Han pulled out a chair for Leia. They ordered, shared between their two platters, conversed and laughed like they had all the time in the world. They talked about everything but the baby— they still had plenty of time, Han insisted when Leia tried to bring up possible names. They told old jokes, reflected on their relationship since the Death Star, laughed themselves to tears at how far they'd come. They wondered what Luke would think of them, what he would have to say if he could see them now, all happy and doe-eyed with a baby in the middle of their beautiful new mess. He was like a brother to her, Leia swore when they remembered the awkwardness that had seeped between the three friends before they'd all fled Hoth. She was sure he would understand, come to agree that something about the thought of the two of them together was— well, almost laughable. That wasn't their relationship. But she and Han. For all their struggles and the absurd fights Luke had witnessed for three years, he had to understand, too, that something about the pair was just right. Or, so, Leia prayed. Because everything about her and Han felt right. She missed Luke, missed having such a dear friend she could talk to and laugh with in a different way than she and Han did. She missed the companionship she'd found in him. Now that she'd opened up to Han, could talk to him about anything she was wrestling with, she wondered what her and Luke's friendship would look like if they weren't apart, because something told her she could still use him. Something about his friendship was essential to her wholeness.

But she was choosing Han. Not choosing Han versus Luke, but she was choosing Han and their child over returning to the Rebellion any time soon. She was choosing to build a family and a new life for herself apart from her career and what little had been with the Rebellion for her. Luke— she would miss him terribly, already the thought caused her some pain; but  _ this _ — what she was living for now— it made the Rebellion wink out like a dying star into the back of her mind …


	19. Part 19

Normally, intergalactic comm calls were a small fee, hardly worth the attention, but cheap comms required a fancier plan or grander expense to make such calls. Thus, Han and Leia had agreed he would be permitted two calls at most while he was away— one, presumably, when he knew how soon he and Chewie would be returning. For the first couple weeks, Leia had been on edge, felt rather uneasy about the run, and had hoped Han would use his first call sooner than later if only so she knew he was still alive. Logic and reason had soon returned, however, and Leia continued to remind herself that Han had had a lot of practice at smuggling; he'd been doing it for years. And he was good at what he did if everyone was being honest. He'd rarely dropped a cargo! Once, he'd dropped a delivery, but Han still swore there had been no victory to be gained that day, and dropping the shipment had been his best option. Nevermind that, Leia didn't know what he was transporting this time, but she knew that he was a damn good pilot and smuggler, and he would make it back home as soon as he could.

As for herself, there was no peace of mind to be found in their empty bedroom which Han seemed hell-bent on keeping Leia constrained to. She didn't care to hear his latest excuse— Rewa couldn't find anything wrong with Leia or her pregnancy, and she would not endure bedrest just to reassure Han.

Of course, that didn't mean Han needed to know what she was doing instead.

Isa, Rewa's second oldest child, scrunched up her nose and turned to Leia for help as she raised her blaster above her head. "I didn't hear the click!"

Leia smiled as a natural response to Isa's sheer grit. She could practically see the wheels working in the young girl's head as she surveyed the machine in her small hands. Leia stepped beside her, laid her hands over the girl's, and repositioned her fingers around the butt and trigger of the weapon. "Right there," she encouraged. "Keep your pointing finger on the trigger. Let it rest quietly there. Like a feather. Real softly."

"And my thumb ... " Isa bit her lip. "It goes here, right?"

"That's right! So, you'll use your thumb to change the setting. And we want it at 'stun' when we practice. Just tickle the dial with your thumb until it's set to that orange mark. Got it?" Already tuned back in, Isa nodded silently. "Then, you put your thumb back here—" She gave said finger a gentle nudge back into place. "And rest it there. Then, the rest is up to your trigger finger."

Isa raised the small holdout blaster before her, aimed it at her target, breathed for a few counts before she depressed the trigger and fired at the clay pot ahead of her. The laser nicked the protruding handle of the pottery, but Leia beamed with pride as Isa dropped the blaster and squealed. "I got it, Leia! Did you see that?"

"I did see! Very impressive for a beginner like yourself."

Isa retrieved the weapon and returned it to Leia for handling. "Leia?"

"Yes?"

"Who taught you to shoot a blaster?"

"My father did."

"Why?"

Leia looked down at the weapon in her hands thoughtfully, considered how natural the feel of the cool metal in her hands was, how comforting it was to have it there. She sighed silently to herself. "He wanted to be sure that I could protect myself."

"From Imperials?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"But the Imperials killed your planet, right?"

Another nod.

"Mama says that Alderaan was beautiful. Everyone on Alderaan was nice and friendly. So, why didn't the Empire like Alderaan?"

Leia didn't have to force a smile, though it was a pained one, when she met the small girl's gaze. "You have a lot of questions in that big brain of yours."

Isa shrugged. "I'm curious."

"There isn't a thing wrong with that. In fact, I'm glad. Never stop being curious." Slowly, Leia lowered herself so she could sit in the grass beside Isa. "The truth is that the Empire doesn't like smart and brave people. Smart and brave people know that the Empire is evil, and they aren't afraid of speaking up against the Emperor and his followers."

"Were there a lot of smart and brave people on Alderaan?"

She nodded. "A lot. Most Alderaanians were smart and brave— including my mama and papa. That made the Empire really mad, so they punished them."

"Leia," Isa frowned, stretching out her name. "I know they're all dead. My mama explained that much to me."

Isa was too smart for her— so smart, she'd assumed Leia had been trying to censor her language for the younger, innocent child. But she hadn't. Of course, she knew she should, but it was that, sometimes, Leia couldn't use such strong language around herself.

Tears welled up in her own eyes, and Leia fought to keep them at bay as she settled her hands on Isa's small shoulders and looked her in her bright eyes. Bright eyes full of youth and innocence, hope for the next generation, for her and Han's child. She offered the girl the most buoyant smile she had in her, grasped Isa's shoulders between her hands. "Then, you know that the galaxy is in desperate need of more smart and brave people. Just like you."

Isa's brown irises dilated to nearly twice their size. Leia didn't have it in her to laugh; rather, it made her proud, filled her with joy to see such wonder and awe in a child's face. This was the future of the galaxy. All right here. "You think I'm brave?"

"Braver, smarter, stronger," Leia vowed. "The Empire should be shaking with fear."

Isa smiled to herself, eyes turning downcast, and Leia wondered what was going through her head. What was she dreaming? What greatness was this one small child preparing to bring to the galaxy? What potential was about to unfold from her?

"I want to join the Rebellion."

Leia tried not to appear so surprised even as she felt her eyes pop.

"Not now," Isa amended, "but when I'm older. And I can shoot a blaster like you can."

Leia patted her back once. "You have some work to do until then, but I know you can do it. Just keep working at it like you are now, and you'll do amazing things."

More than satisfied with Leia's encouragement, Isa beamed brightly and scampered off just as Rewa came to check on them. "Sounds like lessons are going well."

"You have raised very determined daughters."

"Have I? Then, I have done something right?" She lent Leia a hand to help her back to her feet, and Leia caught the laugh she was holding back watching her struggle. "And yours will be a big one."

"Oh— fierfek, Rewa. No!"

"But these lessons— they are doing well?"

"Annah is a natural," Leia remarked. "Isa is young, but she is doing as well as she can."

Rewa's smile was understanding. "You are proud of them."

"I suppose I am."

"You don't have to be their parent to be proud of them."

"It's the maternal thing, isn't it? Han told me he thought he saw it coming out more."

"It is! And it suits you well. You'll make a wonderful mother."

With all the good intent Leia knew the older woman meant, something about the compliment irked her, and she voiced it at once. "Breha Organa was a wonderful mother. When I was younger and I considered having a family sometime in my future, I thought about my mother. I compared myself to her, and I realized that I was nothing like her. I'm not soft and loving like she was. Mama was kind and funny and affectionate. She was fair, but she was still gentle and patient. She never raised her voice or threatened me. She was just so— so gentle. And I'm not like that."

"Well, of course, you aren't just like that. You aren't her!" Rewa shook her, freshly impassioned. "Is Nakia like your mother? Am I?"

Leia smirked. "Only when you get protective."

If she were being fair, Leia understood what the older mother was driving at: obviously, not every mother had the same easy smile that disintegrated away all your worries that her mother had worn. Just as she'd proclaimed as a child that she had the greatest mommy in the galaxy, there was no mother quite as gentle and kind as Breha had been. There was no one quite like her at all, really. But a significant part of Leia, a portion steeped in self-doubt and insecurity, berated her for bearing no resemblance to her own mother. How could she be a mother without her own mother's gentleness or silent authority? How could she nurture any child when she had no trace of Breha's kindness or patience? She could hardly handle Han for a day without wanting to pull her hair out. But a child who made messes and needed to be bathed and didn't know how to do everything and screamed for attention whenever something was wrong— So far, Leia had seen no sign of herself bearing any of these helpful traits. In fact, Han seemed to enjoy pointing out that she was just as stubborn and short-tempered as he was.

It was the 'instinct', she supposed, which she was looking for but lacked. She'd never drooled over holos of babies or stopped new parents to congratulate them as her mother often had. She didn't feel  _ soft _ , or like this maternal side to her Han claimed to be seeing was really there. She cared about her and Han's child— she even knew she loved it— but it was like she was back in the early months of her pregnancy when none of it had felt real and the morning sickness and aches and pains had felt more like symptoms of stress. But things had progressed well past that point now— Leia's bulging baby bump and intense emotional rides being only a couple of prime reminders— yet, Leia couldn't come to terms with it. Simply, it didn't seem right. It didn't seem real, and it didn't feel acceptable that she suddenly turn from an officer of the galaxy's largest resistance cell to a stay-at-home mom. How could she be fit to raise her own child when she didn't feel hardly any of the motherly instincts and cheesy jealousies and joys everyone else seemed to feel for her?

More than ever, Leia wished she still had her mother to run to, to curl up in her lap, cry, and beg for her sage advice. Maybe, then, she could figure out what it was to Breha that had made her the mother she'd been …

"You're not her," Rewa persisted with a genuine concern behind her voice that reminded Leia or her late mother. "You're your own person and you'll be a mother in your own way, but fierfek, Leia, if it bothers you so much, I do see a maternal side to you, and it's rather startling! I've been standing in the kitchen, watching out the window while you interact with the girls. It's more than just good practice. Leia, I can tell you care about them and you care about watching them succeed. That's a huge part of being a mother. Of being a parent, I should say!" She seized Leia's hand, squeezed firmly. "Don't let your own hormones cloud your judgment. You are much more prepared than you think you are."

"You really believe that?"

"Well, you're the one who keeps saying you had such a great example."

* * *

 

Casita had no connection to the HoloNet which Leia was fine with— she didn't care for Imperial gossip channels, anyway. Instead, the village people had their own community collection of holonovels and books. To entertain herself on the lonely and quiet nights, Leia had taken to sorting through these texts, reading whatever drew her interest. Her latest favorite finds had mostly been sappy romance novels until Nakia had turned up with a holodisk of names. She and Han couldn't seem to come up with a boy's name they both liked, and Leia was determined to find one in these records that Han would agree with. Though, none of them were catching her own eye yet …

She was already half asleep where she sat on the couch when her comm lit up. It had been long enough since she'd received regular comm calls that Leia's mind mind now recognized that calls were not a normal privilege. A call to her private comm unit was special. She nearly tripped over her blankets reaching for the communications device and answered the ring. "Han?"

"Hey, Princess," came his baritone voice, and Leia exhaled in relief. Cub seemed to sense her elation as they stretched across Leia's belly and delivered a firm kick. She rested her hand over the spot, smiled in further joy when that foot pressed against her fingers. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No," Leia stifled a yawn into the crook of her elbow. "No, you're fine. I've been up reading."

On the other end, Han snorted with amusement. "Rewa found another name book for you?"

"Nakia did, but yes. We have to find at least one we agree on."

"We'll find one. Just the right one."

His response was enough to soothe her anxieties, and Leia relaxed just a little bit. Settling back into her cushion of pillows, she asked, "So, do you know when you're coming home?"

"Sorry, sweetheart. Not yet. Uh … Rewa actually called me this morning."

She stiffened. "This is your second call?"

"Leia, we can pay for a third call if we need it."

"Why would you waste a call now—?"

"Leia. Rewa told me the two of you got into talking about your mom."

When she was just a child, it had typically been her father, Bail Organa, who had carried her or held her hand when the Organa family was seen in public. Breha had been queen and stood her post high with her family beside her. Thus had been born in the eye of the public an image of Princess Leia, who had been a daddy's girl since youth. No one ever saw inside the family's palace home when Papa was away on trips for the Senate and Mama was all she had to run to. She could still feel the fine silk of her mother's skirts when she would hurry and hide in them when strangers came to meet her parents.

But it was the condolences, she supposed, that she'd received from fellow diplomats and Rebellion colleagues who had known her father and offered their sorrows because 'they knew how close she'd been to Bail'. Hearing him brought up so often in the months following Alderaan's demise had, naturally, opened up the option to grieve her father as a separate entity. Of course, there were memories and other things to mourn for her father that was different from the memories and things she had to mourn her mother. So, she'd mourned Bail, the loss of her greatest mentor and supporter in the diplomatic field. Only recently had she been able to get over the initial loss with Han's help. But her mother … that spot still felt as sore as the day it happened. She'd hardly thought about Breha— hadn't allowed herself to dwell on her memory in so long. It was a part of Leia that hadn't yet received the attention it needed, and Han knew that, knew how tender that spot was, how much it still hurt.

Now more than ever.

Cub seemed to know their cues because they chose that moment to once again stretch across their compact space and dig into Leia's back. Grimacing, she stood with her comm link. "I don't need you to worry over me. It wasn't like I had a panic attack. I was the one who brought it up, and I'm fine."

"Hey, alright! No need to jump on the defense."

"So, you weren't just about to jump on my tail and barrage me with a hundred questions until you were satisfied that I'm okay?"

"Well, you couldn't even give me a chance …"

Leia realized she could only pretend for so long before Han came to realize his irrational instinct was right. Typically, she was able to hold out for much longer but maybe was Han was right as far as to make her talk through this one. She didn't feel like putting up the fight this time, and old memories of her mother's kind smile and warm touch were pressing harder than she was comfortable with. "I wish I had her now," Leia admitted, her voice but a soft-spoken, broken whisper into the comm. "My mother. So she could show me what I'm supposed to do."

Han was silent for a moment, and Leia knew he was trying to give her time to think, let her take the reins on this conversation. "Yeah. I bet she would have loved to be here too."

"She loved children." Her voice cracked— noticeably, and Leia could have cursed herself if she weren't swept up in the sudden tidal of grief she felt for what wouldn't be. "There was nothing she loved more than being a mother. It keeps hitting me today that she should be here. Not just to help me— though, I could really use it. But I know she would love being a grandmother, too. She should be here so she can spoil her grandkids. But she isn't."

This time, the silence was different. The slightest bit of discomfort if only because … she'd surprised him. It took her a moment, but Leia quickly realized what she'd said to trip up their conversation. _Grandkids._ _Kids._

There was clearly a better option for getting around this rancor, and Leia decided that was to simply ignore it and run. "I just wish I could share this with her. And Papa, too. But Mama— this would have meant so much to her."

"Yeah." A part of Leia wondered if her mother's spirit was sprinkled among the stars, and now the queen gazed downward to watch her daughter's life unfold and her first grandchild come into being. She wasn't sure if Han ever considered such things, but it wasn't something he would voice aloud which Leia didn't mind. But the response he came up with was equally unlike him, Leia thought, and she was nearly tripped up again when Han asked, "You wanna' name our kid after her? You know, if it's a girl."

Stifling her slight shock, Leia was otherwise confident, and she spoke so. "No," she promised without hesitation. "No, I like the name we picked."

"You sure? 'Cause I picked that one out."

"Then, you have good taste. Treasure those words, flyboy. Something tells me you may never hear them again."

On the other end, Han snorted, and Leia smiled at the image she instantly got of his lopsided grin. "Sure, sweetheart. I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, just wanted to make sure you were okay. This line is going to get spendy if we don't hang up soon, but I promise I'll call and let you know when I'm heading back."

"I'll hold you to that promise. I'll call you again if you take too long."

"Deal."

"Okay. … I love you."

"Love you too, Princess. And Cub. Bye."

"Bye."


End file.
